Is Language that much of a barrier

[Lover]

That means you are wearing panties Still...

[Janine Dee]

Actually German is not so much a joke as a code. When it comes to a lifestyle as alternative as BDSM (at least once upon a time) it could be useful to have a phrase that seems innocuous to those not in the know, but is still recognizable to those who are aware.

And as far as German, associating it with violence is like associating BDSM with violence, not anywhere near the whole picture.

While four letters BDSM actually stands for five words (three groupings) Bondage/Domination, Domination/Submission, Sadomasochism.

The mix is determined by those involved. Like right now in the My Fantasy thread what Sinnnn and I are doing qualifies as BDSM, but couldn't be qualified as violence on any scale.

I've always taken the "German" code word more to speak to the idea that the German people seem to value order and structure.

[Urban]

*for the "Teutons" i was jocking

The worst it's everybody link SM/Fetish ect with german. But it's coming from "Le Divin Marquis de Sade". What do you expected ? It's about sex, so it's french :-P

[Adera]

Oh, I didn't know about all of its meaning, but then I haven't done much BDSM even if I find it hot and exciting.

I'm more for submitting because I get so insecure about what to do as a domme, afraid to hurt the other or do the wrong things because I might have read them the wrong way. I'm not very good at keeping my cool either... I tend to be quite obvious and well express myself.

When submitting I can really express how I feel (if I'm not told otherwise *pout*). I just love having someone play kinky games with me, it turns me on so much... even if I feel abit greedy at times.

[Janine Dee]

Actually Urban, De Sade is just where sadism comes from, and he was just f-ed in the head.

BDSM has codes, and values safe conduct. Sure there are those who don't uphold those ideals, but they are recognized as rogues.

And Adera sweetie, the submissive is allowed to be greedy, expected even. The Dominant gets to enjoy control while the submissive gets all that attention and focus, as well as freedom from most responsibility.

[Adera]

Yay . But the few times I've tried beeing abit domme the sub have not expressed what she wanted, I find that quite bothersome... therefore I like to hint if I like something even if I might say "no".

[Janine Dee]

That is the "most" rather then freedom from all part of the responsibility.

[Adera]

It makes it really good and I do think a dom likes it when your showing appreciation, unless he/she is a sadist.

[Janine Dee]

It's not just appreciation though. I've also run into submissives who have felt all they had to do was show up. It is a two person (and occasionally more then that) enterprise. The submissive should be able to give some idea of what they like as well as be willing to show distress as well as appreciation. (Some are annoying determined to tough it out. It's terribly sweet that they want to give that to me as a Domme, but I don't want it.  I want them enjoying it too.)

[Adera]

Mmm some idea so the misstress has somewhere to start of is probably good, from there she can try abit to see how the submissive reacts. The real fun is when the dom can start to surprise me with kinky stuff.

[Janine Dee]

Ohhh sweetie, that is setting yourself up to fail. Dominants are not mind readers, and some of the worst sessions I've ever had were when the submissive expected me to be one. It's one thing to give us a long list and let us pick and choose from it and surprise you that way, but to have us just pick stuff... eventually we will pick something you don't like.

Hopefully it would just be something you didn't enjoy rather then actively disliked, but even if we get lucky on those first few picks eventually we'd hit something wrong, and that's no fun for us either. If I just want to spank a female shaped ass I could buy a Real Doll. I want to know the owner of said ass wants it spanked.

What is as (if not more) important then a list of do's is a list of don'ts. Medical or psychological, while medical issues aren't as big of an issue online asthmatics can not wear ball gags, and people with carpal tunnel can not have their wrists bound in all the ways those that don't can, but there are also those mental limits that can take a person past the enjoyable to the truly mentally painful.

(I don't like bloodshed real or virtual.)

Sometimes you won't know it till you cross that threshold, but once you know it's there you need to make sure the Dominant knows about it.

Only sickos want the submissive to actually suffer.

[Adera]

I wasn't thinking that the dom would that far in one step, sure limitations better be set up or it can turn out quite bad. In my case I like to have my ass played with, as long as the dom knows that and don't rush things he/she can do some surprises as long as its not something radical. But then I wouldn't play with a dom I didn't know and trust.

[Janine Dee]

Oh Honey, my point is define "radical". You are on the right track with the trust, but the trust builds. You hit it more on the head with the "know" and that also takes time and communication.

Sorry, I think I've mentioned I am a trained Dominant, and I am very passionate when it comes to playing safe, but I'm also just experienced in the realities of it.

[Adera]

Yes you've mentioned that and I do think your right about this. I'm just thinking about the good times you can have when two people (or more) knows each others limitations. I haven't done any serious BDSM really so I'm not considering all that is needed to make it a good experience for both.