AChat Forum
Off-Topic => Quizz, Fav TV, Fav Music, Fav Films, Books... => Topic started by: Tift on February 08, 2021, 08:08:09 AM
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Original and Non-contentious Limericks only please
To be written by you, preferably anything Achat -
But anything as long as it is original and written by you -
the emphasis on you (but please, no maligning others)
and please take the next number
No.1
A horny young guy called Adi
chased after the girls like crazy
But it wasn't a tart
who stole his heart
But Iwona - who now is his Lady
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No. 2
A nymph from the Isle Of Lesbos
Has a mound where Man never goes;
And one night, for a dare,
I sneaked my way there...
Now we're frequently loving bedfellows.
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No. 3
I've a friend at achat, name of sammy,
Who was once in a bit of a jammy.
His butler, the cad,
Buggered off with his Jag
Leaving sammy at home with his Mammy.
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No.4
A juicy young strumpet called Lisa
Once straddled the tower of Pisa
With one little shove
it fit like a glove
But nobody would believe her
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No. 5
My friend BambiGurl from Switzerland
And I met one day wholly unplanned
We undressed in a field
Unto me she did yield
And her clit felt the heat of my hand
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No. 6
There was a girl named DayDrinker
Even though she was quite a thinker
A poem she once wrote
That no one would quote
Because it was a real stinker
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No. 7
One evening whilst strolling in Kent
I saw feet sticking out from a tent.
I thought, “I know those feet”,
So inside I did peep.
It was Tift loitering with intent.
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No.8
She stood in a window in Night
Hoping for nice Mr Right
along came a gimp
three tarts and a pimp
But nothing to set her alight
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the subject of this limrick has no qualms about it's publication
No.9
Sonia went down to Bude
To appear on the stage in the nude
A man in the front
Shouted out cunt !
Just like that, bloody rude
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No. 10
Oh Corina, Corina
Don’t deny ‘cause I seen ya
With your legs splayed apart
On the back of his cart
Screaming out like a laughing hyena
the subject of this limrick has no qualms about it's publication
No objection at all.
Quid infantes sumus?
xx00xx
Sonia
No.9
Sonia went down to Bude
To appear on the stage in the nude
A man in the front
Shouted out cunt !
Just like that, bloody rude
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No. 10
Oh Corina, Corina
Don’t deny ‘cause I seen ya
With your legs splayed apart
On the back of his cart
Screaming out like a laughing hyena
;D ;D ;D
the subject of this limrick has no qualms about it's publication
No objection at all.
Quid infantes sumus?
xx00xx
Sonia
No.9
Sonia went down to Bude
To appear on the stage in the nude
A man in the front
Shouted out cunt !
Just like that, bloody rude
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You too must to pray in Achat Church !
Mother Corina is waiting for you both ! ;D ;D ;D
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No. 11
Corina the Mother Superior
Has a pussy shaped like a gardenia
But rather than smelling
Like she descended from heaven
It reminds one of harsh oven cleaner
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Btw...it smells like jasmine ! You are free to (smell) taste it...hehehe ;D ;D ;D
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No.12
A big chubby sub called Tiffany
Gave me a sudden epiphany
It was made very clear
she was ancient, and dear
She'd claimed she was twenty, Oh Infamy !!
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No.13
New York is a quiet domain
a place to change your train
But orgies were frequent
for all us delinquents
So come on, let's do it again
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No.13
New York is a quiet domain
a place to change your train
But orgies were frequent
for all us delinquents
So come on, let's do it again
Shhhhh...i have never been there..
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No.14
There was a fat girl called Dawn
Who was addicted to porn
She hated her hubby
'Cos he was so chubby
And all he would do was yawn
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No. 15
The last scion of the House of Targaryen
Espied Gods gathered all in their pantheon
With a wry little grimace
She cried out, “Dracarys”!
And Drogon roasted the whole Holy lot of ‘em
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No. 16
When recently shopping in Waitrose
A sweet perfume invaded my nose
I looked all around
And guess what I found?
Right behind me was Lydiarose
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No. 3
I've a friend at achat, name of sammy,
Who was once in a bit of a jammy.
His butler, the cad,
Buggered off with his Jag
Leaving sammy at home with his Mammy.
I resemble that limerick, but it was a Daimler .....
His butler, son of Himmler,
Buggered off with his Daimler,
.......
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No. 17
There was a young monk of Le Trappe,
Who contracted a dose of the clap,
He cried "Dominus Verbiscum",
Oh why won't my piss come,
There's something gone wrong with my ...... tap!
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No. 18
My friend here at Achat called Kelly
Has boobies that wobble like jelly
And so tight is her bum
That it sounds like a drum
When hit with my trusty shillelagh
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No.19
A nubile newbie called Ruby
Bought a heart-shaped pubie
She went into town
And when she bent down
Found it was stuck to her boobie
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No. 20
There are many right here at Achat
Who’re obsessed with sex and all that
At it like bunnies in heat
Till their rut is complete
I’m so glad I’m not part of all that
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No. 21
A friend I have here, name of Adi
Went a-golfing and asked me to caddy
I strained and I heaved
And I puffed and I wheezed
But I couldn’t lift Adi’s full baggy
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No. 22
For some at Achat it’s considered the norm
To fill thread after thread just chock-full of porn
They post lots of pics
Showing all kinds of tricks
But so many just brings on a yawn.
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No.23
There was a cheap tart called Tift
Who had a peculiar gift
for making girls happy
With her big strappie
And making poor Gentledom miffed
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No.25
A fit horny guy called Rock
Gave me a bit of a shock
He said he was sorry
He thought I was Torrie
As he pounded me hard with his cock
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Number - 26
A strapping young lassie called Annie
Had quadraceps inside her fanny
With tendons in her anus
She circumcised poor Janus
And her vagina castrated old Sammy!
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Number - 27
I once went looking for scandal
And bumped into a fella named Randall
He was quite thick
I’m not talking his dick
It was his ignorance that I couldn’t handle
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Number - 28
My friend Tift sure likes to race
Even though she struggles to keep pace
I always have fun
Each time that we run
And I can count on her for last place
:D
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No.29
There is a girl called Day Drinker
Who is a bit of a thinker
She'll argue all day
And never give way
So Plato would call her a Stinker
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No.30
Sister Jasmine had a fine smell
Which came from her pussy so well
She'd stand in the street
Smelling so sweet
And giving the newbies hell
(see No.11 & response)
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No.31
Sonia was really quite happy
When she bought herself a new lappie
It worked very well
It being a Dell
But never as good as her strappie
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No.32
A rampant old trollope called Ellie
Was edging like crazy with Kelly
They fiddled all day
In mutual play
Then squirted all over the telly
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No. 33
It’s not often that one finds the time
To sit quiet and come up with a rhyme
And just now I sat down
Chewed my pen, gave a frown
‘Cause I can’t seem to get the last line
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No. 34
“’Tis never too late to repent”,
Said the preacher in his holy tent.
But he later confessed
That his real name was Jess
And he longed to go back to the Convent.
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No.35
Memes are easy things to choose
Cut and paste and freely use
Base shallow humour
Defines the rumour
There's little left for us to lose
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No.36
Zuzannah has a gorgeous ass
And it's very hard to pass
If you cop a feel
It will feel surreal
But you'll be eating her drinking glass.
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No.37
Ethel had a magic hat
purple and blue, soft like a cat
when she went a walking
people got a talking
Cos she farted out cupcakes, just like that !
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Number 38
A fella once wanted a dance
I told him he had no chance
He’d asked like an ass
So I had to pass
And sent him packing without a glance
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No. 39
My friend Sam has a dog he calls Tilly
Who he says does behave rather silly
For despite her small size
She jumps up to his thighs
And buries her teeth in his willy
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No. 40
A “master” wanted me over his leg
He promised he'd make me beg
The guy had no clue
So I gave him his due
And with my strappy his ass did I peg
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No.41
I once owned a two door Capri
It was just as I thought it would be
When I started to drive
the guys would all try
Get my knickers off down past my knees
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No. 42
A lady, whose name was Savannah,
Lived her life by her weekly planner.
But before reaching day seven
She ascended to Heaven
After dying in a curious manner.
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No. 43
An assonant prowler called Smee
Was afflicted with only one knee
The other leg wobbled
And he walked as though hobbled
Then soaked himself trying to pee
(a night time collaboration)
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No.44
I wanted to buy him those collars
'cause didn't have any dollars
He refused
I blew a fuse
So I left him and went off with some scholars.
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No.45
I've just noticed in the nick of time
My last limerick didn't rhyme
So I changed it you see
'cause it's important to me
Oh.... And I've changed the colour to lime.
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No. 46
Though a rhyming limerick is always pretty
The rhyme’s only one part of the ditty
As for colours and such
They don’t matter so much
As the wonderful originality
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No. 47
There was a sweet maiden named Brenda
Who was innocent, shy and so tender
That she had quite a shock
When a chap, name of Jock,
Raised his kilt to display his bell-ender
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No. 48
A young mother, whose name was Belinda,
Became hopelessly addicted to Tinder.
She’d spend each day and night
Swiping left…swiping right
And was jailed for neglecting her kinder.
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No.49
Daydrinker is uncommonly smart
She can talk all day about art
She also likes whiskey
Which makes her quite frisky
And lets off incredible farts
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No.50
"Don't touch me there" she cried
So his finger it did pry
She gave a shout
Her butt plug flew out
And poked him in the eye
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No.51
A stone-faced old bird called Matilda
Wanted to have sex with a builder
He called her a scrote
When she asked for a quote
And his estimate fucking near killed her
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Number 52
All bad poetry is sincere
Oscar Wilde said that, my dear
And that was quite witty,
Resonant and pithy
But now it's a meme, I fear
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No.53
A horny young girl named Saffire
Was strappied to her lover's desire
She said It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you push it a few inches higher?
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No.54
There was a young gal called Joannajett
Dressed to the nines as you'd expect
She danced with young Skally
Xanna and Sally
While her boobs played the castanets
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No.55
If I pose and act real cool
I should expect some ridicule
There's nothing amiss
In taking the piss
It's the spice of life, you fools !
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No.56
A slovenly strumpet called Vicky
Got her knickers so terribly sticky
Sweet sissyboi Flo
Said oh no, no, no
Oh cum on then, I'll give you a quickie
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No.57
I sat next to Sonia at tea
It was just as I thought it would be
The rumblings abdominal
Sounded phenomenal
And everyone thought it was me
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No. 58
All she does is strut and shout!
The forum bully, be in no doubt!
The tantrums are silly
In her dress that’s frilly
Who cares what she shouts about!
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No.59
A tedious wastrel called Parrot
Got arsey with Elizabeth Barrett
He thought it was fun
To address her as hun
So she tickled his balls with a mallet
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No.60
(about food)
A duck egg omelette made for two
With mixed herb and sausage too
Eaten with glee
Right next to the sea
Then a snooze, just me and you
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(for an itinerant power-tool gardener)
No.61
A lazy chain-sawrer called Bertie
Was also incredibly shirty
he always was moaning
complaining and groaning
So Bertie's now known as Gertie !
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No.62
A lumbering old lecher called Frank
With the ladies was drawing a blank
They all said the same
Pay-per-fuck is the game
So he logged off and went for a wank.
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No. 63
I see another milking pose
They're alright, I suppose.
So get your Bull
And give him a pull
And ease away all his woes.
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No.64
An onanist as shameless as Bourne
Earned his wife's considerable scorn
She screamed and berated
Said he must be castrated
But he laughed and went back to his porn.
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No. 65
What the hell does Onanist mean ?
I'm not that bright, it would seem
I searched on Bing.
And learned something.
"It's masturbation" I said with a scream.
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No. 66
New pose, Hot kissing in clothing
Some girls heads might be exploding
Looks real nice
And so is the price
All clothes on and not exposing.
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No.67
A slack-bladdered dancer called Tess
Got herself in a bit of a mess
As she twirled round the pole
She lost all control
It's easy to guess the rest
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If you don't like it .......don't read it.
You're on a site where people beat and humiliate each other and that's condoned....so whatever I'm posting....you're either fine with or just looking to complain.
No. 68
It's been quite some time since I posted
In hope that the boredom here may have adjusted
But I logged in to see
The same yawns from capri
I'm quite sure that this forum is busted
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If you don't like it .......don't read it.
You're on a site where people beat and humiliate each other and that's condoned....so whatever I'm posting....you're either fine with or just looking to complain.
No. 68
It's been quite some time since I posted
In hope that the boredom here may have adjusted
But I logged in to see
The same yawns from capri
I'm quite sure that this forum is busted
YOU are the one who attacks. You are the bully and You and another are the ones who come back and start trouble. I've just stopped turning the other cheek.
No 69
The trouble makers and bullies are back
They just make joyful times black
They think they are clever
Silly so and so's... Whatever!
Go back to your pavement's crack!
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#70
They still have not learned.
Thinking they can't get burned.
Even a cobra should not play in the fire.
They are lower than low and the flames flicker higher.
Not long ago their words in topics to ash did turn!!
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I would draw the attention of the last two contributors to the terms of this thread
as posted on page 1 ... they are pushing the boundaries and if their intention
is to get this limerick thread deleted please be aware that such things do not
pass without consequences.
"Original and Non-contentious Limericks only please
To be written by you, preferably anything Achat -
But anything as long as it is original and written by you -
the emphasis on you (but please, no maligning others)
and please take the next number"
I am sure you mean the last THREE contributors. The last two only respond in kind
-
I would draw the attention of the last two contributors to the terms of this thread
as posted on page 1 ... they are pushing the boundaries and if their intention
is to get this limerick thread deleted please be aware that such things do not
pass without consequences.
"Original and Non-contentious Limericks only please
To be written by you, preferably anything Achat -
But anything as long as it is original and written by you -
the emphasis on you (but please, no maligning others)
and please take the next number"
I am sure you mean the last THREE contributors. The last two only respond in kind
That part high lighted yellow sounds like a threat to me and an accusation.
You should take note of your own words and advice.
Be assured, if this topic gets deleted, it will be the fine work of you and your spouse just like last time.
And your associate seen below.
Just so nothing gets misrepresented
(https://i.imgur.com/kWoKMCO.jpg)
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No 71
It's hard to rhyme with Zuzannah
Oh hang on, she plays the Pianna
You say that's absurd
Pianna's not a word
Where I lived, it was, you spanner.
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No.72
Oh Yes! Zuzannah rhymes with pianner
as well as the famous Clangers
on the forum is rampant
has never been dampened
Where she arrived just like a Banger !
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No. 73
Winter is a nice place to be
The mountains are so nice to see
But I despair
At the noobs that go bare
When they approach with their little peewee.
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No.74
In Night it's always the same
Guys wanting sex without paying
They say come to summer
The money's a bummer
Then poof! when you show your disdain
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Number Seventy-Five
He dressed up and stood in the town
But no one was coming around
It was quite plain
I had to explain
No one wants sex with a clown
awwwww
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No.76
A generous young lady called Lyn
Was accosted by Father McFlynn
She said "Oh My God
You dirty old sod
Oh alright, come slip it in"
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No.77
There's nothing worse than the summer glitch
Your system crashes and you shout out bitch!
Go crazy as a loon
Howl at the moon
As Achat mangles your 64 bits
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No.78
The ubiquitous mobile phone
Makes sure you're never alone
It will ring and ring
But you won't hear a thing
Because you left it at home.
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No. 79
Wow, threesome anal dreams
Already I hear your screams
A threesome pose !!
Rip off your clothes
And Cum will flow like streams.
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No.80
Hot Kissing for Men is Missing !
While everyone else is kissing
As a prelude to sex
It's simply the best
So come on Achat, get Bizzy !
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No.81
This guy wanted group sex you see
So he asked Lucindah and me
We said five hundred bucks
For unlimited fucks
Then he poofed 'cos he wanted it free
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No.82
A debauched and wanton young floozie
Came by and said "I'm Suzy
I'm looking for Fred
To take me to bed
But you will do, I'm not choosy."
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No.83
"Cum on my face", she sighed
"I will, I will, I'll try"
He'd already cum
Twice in her bum
So a third cum would see pigs fly !