AChat Forum
Discussions about AChat => Share your creative ideas => Topic started by: kittenlepurr on November 10, 2011, 08:43:01 AM
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This person was under the distinct impression that i am solely focusing on him when i have a few other people that are already on my friends list talking to me and getting incensed about it.
After they leave I talk with him more (We talk about ourselves abit about interests etc). Then he jumps directly into an rp ... I work out what he is doing when he says a line of how I (meaning me) would react to something so i call him on it.
Conveying to him i was under the impression we were still having a conversation not rping because i didnt say i was interested in starting one.
We talk about my ethnic background and from there some places we have visited and our opinions on it.
After that he does a blatant flirt so i respond because a few of the options presented i like so he sends and invite (without my ok) I tabbed out thinking an invite was on the way so I close the other programs i have open to accept one and tell him why i missed it.
He then reiterates his solely focusing on me ... and i indicate from my perspective that i have been solely focusing on him but what i had open on websites which was my email and also my scheduling program. (Just to check what i have on for later on today and when i should go to sleep)
Him being insulted from his pov indicates he is pissed and says that he could use words that i would know. I acknowledge that but convey my opinion on this and the fact that like him throughout the conversation i have been declining invites like he has.
He goes offline.
I send a message to him conveying that even if he did insult me it would just be him venting his anger which is good but words would never under any circumstances insult me they are just text.
The message was still sent after i realised he was offline.
So I am wondering people what are your opinions on this? did i do the right thing ? is he over reacting? all opinions welcome.
ps: for the person involved that i was talking to I have withheld his name to prevent embarrassment on his part. And the above is to explain my point of view on the situation.
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Names should never be dragged thru the mud here IMO..
He over reacted kiten'.
When invites are sent... and expire they are messaged as a rejection... but the why's is not important if you ask for the re-invite.
I never presume I am the one and only in chat...and my friends shouldn't either.
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What can i say.......this person have to drink some tisana to calm his nervs! i don't think u have done something wrong, kitten, miss an invite can happend!
the point is why he go out of controll for this.....is he thinking u are at his feet!? peoples sometimes are crazy!
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Names should never be dragged thru the mud here IMO..
He over reacted kiten'.
When invites are sent... and expire they are messaged as a rejection... but the why's is not important if you ask for the re-invite.
I never presume I am the one and only in chat...and my friends shouldn't either.
Its why i didnt put his name up he could be having a bad night etc. Why penalise him for that. I didnt say to him for a re-invite i implied it more then straight say it. I never assume i am when i am chatting.
What can i say.......this person have to drink some tisana to calm his nervs! i don't think u have done something wrong, kitten, miss an invite can happend!
the point is why he go out of controll for this.....is he thinking u are at his feet!? peoples sometimes are crazy!
Ty Hentai boy that is a good question but its really just confusing and silly from my perspective.
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Did the invite just come from the blue? If so he can't expect you to accept it at all.
He's asking for a huge commitment and then getting overly sensitive about it when your telling him the truth... he's taking it way too serious.
I would have a hard time wanting to play with such a partner again, seems like far to much drama and whining.
When I'm online I like chatting to my friends so if there's many online I do and if it's slow paced I will surf the web at the same time, there's no way I'm going to sit idly for a minute or two waiting for an answer.
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When I'm online I like chatting to my friends so if there's many online I do and if it's slow paced I will surf the web at the same time, there's no way I'm going to sit idly for a minute or two waiting for an answer.
well, Adera, u can be surprise about a boy i know here....sometimes he wait for me for more then an hour......well, he tell this.
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Have happened to me as well, ignored him and he came after me with a female account so I had to ignore that as well.
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Likewise Adera ... when things are slow I do the same... and I agree it sounds as if the situation might have evolved into a drama filled relationship.
Guess you can be thankful Kitten it reared its ugly head at an early stage.
During the day I sometimes pop in when waiting for email responses, or on a short break. Phone calls or visitors are a given...
I you need a moment... proper etiquette would be to let your partner know.... even if the invite is on the screen... then ask for the resend. His behavior should be of understanding ... and patience to for the moment to be right.
*takes off his "dear Abby" wig.*
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Did the invite just come from the blue? If so he can't expect you to accept it at all.
He's asking for a huge commitment and then getting overly sensitive about it when your telling him the truth... he's taking it way too serious.
I would have a hard time wanting to play with such a partner again, seems like far to much drama and whining.
When I'm online I like chatting to my friends so if there's many online I do and if it's slow paced I will surf the web at the same time, there's no way I'm going to sit idly for a minute or two waiting for an answer.
yes it did like i said i didnt prompt the invite so it did come out of the blue. I tend to chant to my friends as well.
its really a moot point now i do not forsee a time where i will ever talk to him again anyway.
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Well, everything that needed to be said, was said already. I can only get in queue with Bear, Adera and Hentaiboy. I think your friend over reacted.
I must say that for some people it is easier to get fixated on one person and having a good time once can mean they focus on that person completely.
Dealing with such an infatuation isn't easy as I have found out myself. An invite out of the blue from a friend, is still an invite without consent and one I wouldn't accept either.
I think you have been clear in your intentions and expectations towards this person and it would have been nice if he accept4ed your explanation and left it at that, instead of feeling hurt about it.
I too have several other applications open when I am online, closing when someone gets my attention, familiar or new.. In the end, almost noone here talks to one person only. Almost everyone has more friends they talk to. Sometimes it is a slow night (day, morning, evening), sometimes too many to give the attention to that they deserve. That should be a given and therefor accepted. If someone can't handle that, they should consider why they are online here.
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I think he should've asked you before sending an invite like that it's the polite thing to do.
It could be only an infatuation though to me it's bordering to S&M, it's as if he wants a submissive girl who is at his beck and call at all the time and giving him undivided attention. Imo a master/mistress in such an relationship should be strong, dependable and calm... not sensitive and whiny.
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I have a really hard time with them. All of the mistresses on here speak broken english whether its their first language or not. I feel like im in the dominant position when I have linguistic superiority.
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If I start to feel superior mentally to a dom the dom will cease to be a true master/mistress for me anymore, he/she doesn't have to be smarter than me, it's more a thing of class, calm, articulation and maybe some wit.
I'm not saying I'm overly picky but some that claim to be mistresses I would have trouble treating the way they'd like to be treated.
I know from Janine that BDSM involves lots but some parts of it I find to crude or rowdy to involve well defined dom and sub roles and when it looses what I see as a dom it's hard to think of it as real BDSM.
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meh i made a 30some year old chick at work have an emotional breakdown because she was so out of her league, she seems like a dominant person too. when I dont even have to try its a little pathetic
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Within the subject of the thread, imho people should always hold certain aspects of conduct in mind at all times.
"Be treated as you like to be treated yourself" which to me is the simplest but most applicable rule there is. The second should be "Do as you please as long as you don't bother anyone else with it".
The last rule has worked wonders for Holland over the past 4-5 centuries and it is an adagium that I hold onto myself. Show some respect, treat the one on the other side of the conversation as a friend, a person, a human. Instead of a dick or cunt on legs (excuse my language).
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best way to deal with people on her in some cases is to remember you are playing on a game. friendships that organically build are good but the ones that people assume on one side are more because they have no idea of the concept.
personally i am friendly to everyone. When people are rude to me either ignore or dont tolerate it.
In this situation i descibed it was a mix of misinterpretation and being at least on oneside unreasonable.
but the point remains.
The person related to this has since apologised
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If he apologize, it's a good step forward....probably he understand about how his reaction was rella absurde!
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yeah i was gracious i told him i accepted his apology.
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The problem as I see it as a whole is that there is tone, even to purely textual communication, BUT it lacks so many of the organic things like verbal tone and pitch and body language, that the potential for misinterpretation increases exponentially.
Then there is the good old fashioned potential for misinterpretation that just comes from any kind of communication. Which can also include personal prejudices. (People tend to assume you agree with them unless you deliberately express otherwise.)
So the potential for misunderstandings is quite high. Still, there was an apology so I see it as a all's well that ends as such.
On the BDSM, the first person a Dom, that is worthy of the title, learns to Dominate is themselves. If you can not control yourself you are not ready to control another.
The main problem is the gulf between the perception of Dominance and the reality. While you LOOK like you are in total control, the control belongs to the submissive and you are using it at THEIR discretion. The problem is that those who don't get the idea seem to think that reality isn't as fun, and it's both sides.
I have had submissives, both in real life and in AChat who just figured they would lay back and I would somehow just "know" because I was the Mistress and Mistress knows.
What Mistress truly knows is that she has no real tolerance for that nonsense.
The problem for Dominants who can't grasp the reality of the situation is like people are saying, people have to CHOOSE to obey you. There is no magical power to it. You need to earn their trust, their respect, and their submission, but again, that just doesn't seem like as much fun.
Still, in anything you do it's those who don't want to put in the effort that spoil things for those who do.
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very true Janine its mainly the following people insert tone they think matches to what people say.
misinterpretations happen its one of the main reasons why i use emotes (like :) or inserted text) to show reactions because its the best way to convey the tone or the body language i am using in the chat.
there is also the fact that these interactions can be interpreted differently depending on the person involved what their emotional state is at the time and other factors. All I can say though is i try not to be misinterpreted by being as clear as possible. (which sadly can make people think many things from either me insulting to agreeing or others)
Personally Janine Dee I am more sub/versatile then dom/versatile as a person sexually. But you are right its a question of people have no method of real control in this type of thing ... even in webcams is the same thing as some people have experienced and i have to which is why i dont do it anymore. (people ordering you around and thinking you owe them is tiresome and wrong it kills the fun of the webcam and there is other factors why i dont but thats one of the main ones)
Unfortunately I had to end up putting him on the ignore list for him saying to me to many random questions that i felt was inappropriate, rude and was very much the how dare you thing. Not to mention he kept on calling me by an abreviiation of my name in that i didnt actually like and told him first. So yeah unfortunately a bad end but i can live with it.
Nor should you have tolerance for nonsense .. I personally don't either.
very true trust is very important unfortunately people fail to work that out frequently in an online situation where trust needs to be built much like in real life it does its just a slower process.
The thing i have found however when it comes to these things is if there is equal effort its much better for both of us. Frequently i have found some partners in this do not keep the two way going either by not talking or talking too much and telling you how you react (big no-no for me).
They need to take into account there is the actual need for both sides to enjoy the experience to come back so if its not two way expect the other to be very very very bored and may leave for more fun elsewhere.
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I had to eventually block him because of various reasons. So yes a sad end but unfortunately thats what happens when you already tow the line on someone to the point where they consider you not worth talking to you at all.
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Sorry it turned out that way. Sorry, but not surprised. To freak out because they weren't your center of attention?... My Domme Sense told me they probably weren't the most stable of individuals.
And yeah, the trust is literally the line between Risk Aware Consensual Kink, and actual abuse.
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Too bad it is that it had to turn out like that though it's probably for the best.
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Well simply as a seasoned veteran here... my gut reaction was simply over reaction on his part. ... until one finds a strong connection of intimacy, presumption of being a single focal point of interest is rather delusional. Indeed though, this initial reaction suggested nothing other than headaches down stream.
Reading Janine's and Kitten's comments, I personally feel that is true of any form of descriptive play here. The ability to relay your actual mental reaction to the situation is critical just for your partners understanding. I rely on it... that mental image/ physical reaction of turn on to my actions , or bland satisfaction...guess this is a redundant echo confirming what has been said.
As to telling them what they feel... rather presumptuous, true... when I am with certain familiar close partners I know in some cases how they react...I might wrap imagination around that presumption of that knowledge. Though I would never... never assume that, unless something hints of their excitement already in motion. That is why communication is paramount.
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Had 2 friends go gaga on me ! One even timed me in room w someone else ! and was mad I spent more time , then w him !
omg thats freaky
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very freaky ...
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Guess he needs to learn better control... ;)
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In the specific situation it sounds like your response was very understanding and diplomatic.
As a general comment, some of us have been on here for just a few days and are really stumbling around. I am not computer literate which makes it worse. I have no idea how to talk to more than one person at a time and get nervous trying to respond to an incoming greeting,because I don't want to make someone wait and insult them. In addition, I have inadvertently pushed the invite after receiving no response in a chat question because I didn't know if the person on the other end received my message, or I was having satellite connection problems.
Can anybody please tell me if you have a "policy and procedure manual". Kind of an "AChat for Dummies"? I just learned what an emoticon was today.
Also, I don't text in real life so half the time have to ask the person what "brb" or "ty" means. At least my screw-ups usually result in a lot of "lols"
In the interim: I AM ISSUING EVERYONE A BLANKET APOLOGY IF MY IGNORANCE ON THIS GAME HAS INADVERTENTLY OFFENDED YOU. :-[ :-[ :-[
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Welcome West'... I can relate to yur situation...
as to text lingo start here:
(http://www.netlingo.com/acronyms.php)
might help as a bookmarked source if wondering...
Multi-chatting takes time to get use to... but practice lessens it... so don't get too wordy in responses...and a courteous quick "ty but busy... may we chat latter?" often works beautifully, while u get the hang of things... and I have found many times appreciated.
If heading off to room... while in multi chat,.. at least say good bye to someone you are interested in... having a conversation and suddenly receiving a roomed notification is slightly rude in my opinion.
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ty West ... some people cant take hints or just are not understand.
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West, go to the main forum page and go to "Quick Start Guides", you will see a guide put together by myself and many others here on the forum. It gives a good users eye level view of things.
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West, go to the main forum page and go to "Quick Start Guides", you will see a guide put together by myself and many others here on the forum. It gives a good users eye level view of things.
Thank you, Janine Dee. Can I print it out to study? Also, I see you are a "hero" member. Could you explain "hero"?
It was very kind of you to respond to a beginner. :)
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Those of us that has made over 500 posts at the forum are hero members, it's only a forum thing.
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One would think at 2000 posts you would be like at Goddess level ::)
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Indeed it is a forum thing... And they could add some new levels... Janine is the only one that made it to that many posts though. Bear is a good second I think...
West, common courtecy gets you the farthest. There are many complaints from girls that react to an inappropriate approach by male or female (males most of the time). Some even taking action like using the ignore button or putting some kind of warning on their profile page. The old saying: Reap what you sow is also applicable to AChat. Be nice and be treated nice (by courteous people), be an ass and be treated likewise..
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Well West, Lover and I were talking about some of the problem people here on AChat, and we hit on the idea that with there being no list of do's and do not's we should go ahead and make one.
So we started it, threw it out there to the rest of the forum to get their input, and then put together the lists you now see.
As far as the helping out new people... I'm part of the generation the grew up online and netiquette demands no less.
The 2k... just mean's I'm the chattiest of them all, not sure if that's brag worthy. :P
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Me just Had computer 3 yrs new to and learned alot achat was my first adult adventure w cyber never did even chat lines . My computers more for graphics > wood worker artist > so feel free if im dong any thing wrong plz do tell me not here to distress anyone , but same token no one`s going to step ON this Little Canadian s toes
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Indeed it is a forum thing... And they could add some new levels... Janine is the only one that made it to that many posts though. Bear is a good second I think...
West, common courtecy gets you the farthest. There are many complaints from girls that react to an inappropriate approach by male or female (males most of the time). Some even taking action like using the ignore button or putting some kind of warning on their profile page. The old saying: Reap what you sow is also applicable to AChat. Be nice and be treated nice (by courteous people), be an ass and be treated likewise..
Thank you all for your input. I am learning a lot by reading the posts, but the focus is on attitude, and in real life I make an effort to always be courteous and give people the benefit of the doubt. My problem has been my ignorance of the rules and practical use of the various buttons, etc.
Just to illustrate this and to give you experienced people a laugh, I just spent ten minutes looking for the "quote" area to click before I posted. It took me that long to realize that it doesn't appear until you sign-in. So you see, I might hit 500 posts just on my computer faux paux. :o :-[
One thing that is a shame is that once a person hits the "ignore" button, they close off communication. While this is certainly justified for stalkers and mean-spirited people, it eliminates the chance for newbies to apologize and explain, not to mention learn why the person was accidentally offended. Maybe for the first few days you could issue an emoticon to those of us who are learning. Not sure how to draw the face, "I am new, harmless and stupid. Teach me please." Thanks again. :)
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Not a bad idea. Though I know a great many on here only use the ignore when you act to a level beyond mere misunderstandings, I HAVE also met many who seemed very "quick on the trigger" when it came to ignore.
So yeah, a newbie badge for say the first week might not be a bad idea.
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One thing that is a shame is that once a person hits the "ignore" button, they close off communication. While this is certainly justified for stalkers and mean-spirited people, it eliminates the chance for newbies to apologize and explain, not to mention learn why the person was accidentally offended. Maybe for the first few days you could issue an emoticon to those of us who are learning. Not sure how to draw the face, "I am new, harmless and stupid. Teach me please." Thanks again. :)
With all due respect West69 it doesn't take much to realise whether you have been insulting or not it requires you to think "How could this be interpreted?" before actually typing it. If it has the potential to offend people then don't.
Personally i have very little patience for people that are insulting. I will usually say whether I am offended however. When it comes to the point where my tolerance is gone is where i press ignore on someone.
Being new is NEVER an excuse in my opinion we are all new at one point but that doesn't mean we are too stupid to think anyone with a little experience in chatting realises that things they can say can and will be misinterpreted. So do not try it.
Ultimately for me though if i barely know the person it comes down to this ...
1. They dont know me, I know me.
2. If they want to judge thats their issue not mine.
3. I dont have to tolerate anything if i dont have to.
4. This is supposed to be fun if its not I can log off or ignore the person.
5. Text on the screen is just that. Nothing more.
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Me been here a long time and still have no one on my ignore list, use to dealing w lots of people,they are who they are for what ever reason that made them that way ! But I still take no crap from them ,leaves door open incase they might come around to say a nice hello !
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I found its much better to ignore but i can see the virtue in your approach islandsun. I am sure you can understand the approach i take.
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i ignore if i get 2 cold invites in a row, that tells me they're idiots
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there is a lot of idiot, then! :D
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Who am i to judge anyone how they deal w situations > do what you feel is right and in youe comfort zone .
Can be grossly crude on achat hehehehee they just wanta wank off ! choke their chicken sorta speak LOL
hehehee This is peanuts compared what `i`ve been through !
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exactly islandsun :)
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lol sunny i think the island you live on is in quebec
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I have lived there once, left that sorry ass quebecois S.O.B BETHIND !
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One thing that is a shame is that once a person hits the "ignore" button, they close off communication. While this is certainly justified for stalkers and mean-spirited people, it eliminates the chance for newbies to apologize and explain, not to mention learn why the person was accidentally offended. Maybe for the first few days you could issue an emoticon to those of us who are learning. Not sure how to draw the face, "I am new, harmless and stupid. Teach me please." Thanks again. :)
With all due respect West69 it doesn't take much to realise whether you have been insulting or not it requires you to think "How could this be interpreted?" before actually typing it. If it has the potential to offend people then don't.
Personally i have very little patience for people that are insulting. I will usually say whether I am offended however. When it comes to the point where my tolerance is gone is where i press ignore on someone.
Being new is NEVER an excuse in my opinion we are all new at one point but that doesn't mean we are too stupid to think anyone with a little experience in chatting realises that things they can say can and will be misinterpreted. So do not try it.
Ultimately for me though if i barely know the person it comes down to this ...
1. They dont know me, I know me.
2. If they want to judge thats their issue not mine.
3. I dont have to tolerate anything if i dont have to.
4. This is supposed to be fun if its not I can log off or ignore the person.
5. Text on the screen is just that. Nothing more.
I think you might have misinterpreted my questions. I have NEVER been in a chat room like this. My problem was not knowing the mechanics of the game. I would never intentionally break a "standard of practice" out of insensitivity or to offend someone. Never-the-less, your comments are well-founded and helpful. Thank you.
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text on screen just isnt text words can ::) create positive or negative results
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I didnt say they dont have an effect island merely thats the way i take it after being insulted.
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@kittenlepurr hey just call me Sunny > Guess I`m just thick skin , Being a wicca I get my main energy source through rivalry and happiness
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@kittenlepurr hey just call me Sunny > Guess I`m just thick skin , Being a wicca I get my main energy source through rivalry and happiness
I harness storms to do my bidding
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@Unhealer Oh baby when pushed the wrong way you have no ideal of my ferocity level , i choose to channel it to a positive way of life !
Always still calm before the storm ! > wearing an evil grin < ;)
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is french your first language?
dont really see why everyone speaks english on this forum, theres gotta only be a couple people with english as a first language here
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is french your first language?
dont really see why everyone speaks english on this forum, theres gotta only be a couple people with english as a first language here
English is my first language and I still have difficulty with it. ;)
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English is my language > french trying to brush up on it !
And spelling is my down fall ! ;D
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Western American is my language... no way I think my regional colloquialism represent the English language.
Though I will type with a sharper eye to proper grammar.
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@Bear La Tee DA Mr Prim and proper ! > I`m laffin < Yehhhhhhaaaaa slap my ass yall !
heehehee all in good fun Bear ! ;D
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@Bear La Tee DA Mr Prim and proper ! > I`m laffin < Yehhhhhhaaaaa slap my ass yall !
heehehee all in good fun Bear ! ;D
ummm yeah... ::)
I am a fucking saint..
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@kittenlepurr hey just call me Sunny > Guess I`m just thick skin , Being a wicca I get my main energy source through rivalry and happiness
[/quote
Ok Sunny ty ... I dont using nicknames for people without being asked to first.
Your Wiccan? so is my sister :). My beliefs lean more towards the Agnostic rather then the Wiccan or the More Modern Religions.
I do have a thick skin. I am personally known for alot of patience it takes alot to get me angry but once angry I... whats the word flay people alive with my glares. (That's what an ex said)
Western American is my language... no way I think my regional colloquialism represent the English language.
Though I will type with a sharper eye to proper grammar.
Yours is more a dialect of the English Language .. with its own diversions from the original language.
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Unhealer, I've been speaking Swedish here a few times but it's a bit mean to the rest. :)
I guess my sentences end up strange at times and I probably use the wrong expression or words as well.
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An important distinction though Kitten'... my vocal language is quite distinct from the use of standard English language.
Accent, regional and social classifications influence the manner we express ourselves. My written skills are quite distinctive from my verbal. Drop someone trained solely in standard English formats, and they can be easily lost in the normal flow of regional dialects.
There is a town near me which was center of sociological studies in the 60's due to the dialectic changes in the vocal expression. At it's core it was English... but the radical restructuring of the language in meaning of words, sentence structure... a unique language manifested. You can still go there, hear English spoken and have absolutely no clue what they are saying.
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::) OOPS ! Was not intended to piss some one off !
psst psst softly whispers does this mean I`m in trouble i`m SORRY !
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Kinda like the regional farmers dialects in Sweden... they're terrible hard to understand. I can somewhat understand the dialect they used where I live though only if they're not using it too heavily... it's both a good and bad thing that those dialects are slowly disappearing now.
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@ sunny... :D
nah.. playful sarcastism.. me?.. "prim and proper?"... that is unless you want to be in trouble...
*evil grin*
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@ Bear .... :P dark sarcastism w * Evil grin ! I like !
And me you might not believe this but , I do have have tentency to kinda get in trouble w my mouth , thinking out loud ,guess I have warp sense of humour some times >hehhehee ! HENCE my dark side !
OMG ! > Baby u have know ideal what`s goinh through my mind right now !
A certain cowboy tied to my bed , hey leave spurrs on !
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a delicious hmmm.. :P
though my bed more adapted for such play... you can watch yourself ride in the mirror set in the bookcase headboard.