Discussions about sex => Everything about sex and love => Topic started by: anniethyme on January 14, 2015, 01:22:50 AM
Title: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 14, 2015, 01:22:50 AM
Dear Readers,
In my visits to AChat Land, I see that people are always confused and have many questions. I see that maybe they can benefit from the wisdom of a woman of my... experience. So, I offer to accept any questions (not too naughty, you bad boys) in my mailboxes or posted below and maybe I will have an answer or some kindly advice for you. All for free!
FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions Real questions, real answers. Please read them all before you post your question, so that I don't pull all my hair out of my head from the repetition. Thank you.
Q: Hi. How are you? A: I'm good. You? Q: Good. I'm good too. A: Good, I'm glad to hear that. Q: That's good to know. A: Ok.... good.
Q: Annie, are you really 91? A: YES! Q: Really? A: Yes. Why would I lie. Q: Some people do. A: No, everyone is so truthful here. Such nice young men and women.
Q: Wow. You look good for 91. What's your secret? A: Facials. Sea salt is good for the skin.
Q: I'm horny. Are you horny bb? A: No, I'm not horny. Unless you have a hot tub full of mashed potatoes.
Q: Hi. HRU? I want your body. A: And I want a pretty, pink pony.
Q: What are you looking for here? A: A unicorn. Q: What that? A: Something I'll never find.
Q: Where are you from? A: The fourth level of hell. You?
Q: Hi. Where those awesome boobs from? A: I bought them at Wal-mart. Thanks.
Q: Hi. I want to fuck you hard, granny. A: Are you trying to kill an old woman??? My bones are fragile.
Q: I can be gentle and slow. Ok? A: No, I am scared you will give me a heart attack.
Q: You like big cock? A: Are you trying to kill an old woman? Maybe if it shrinks, you can ask again.
SAQ: Seldomly Asked Questions
Q: Hi. How are you? You want young cock? A: No thanks, dearie. I have 3 in the dresser drawer already.
Q: Does it have spiderwebs on the pussy? A: On the inside, yes.
Q: Annie, why are your eyes white? A: It's cataracts, dear. From the dictionary (an old book with words in it): cat·a·ract noun \ˈka-tə-ˌrakt\ medical : a condition in which a part of your eye (called the lens) becomes cloudy and you cannot see well
Q: You can orgasm at your age? A: When I am premium, yes. This man show me how. Robot Boy, such a nice young man. So polite.
Q: And you are sexually active? A: Use it or lose it, dearie.
Q: I want you but I would not know how or what to do with you. A: Go to the library and find a book about it. I find that is the best way to learn new things if your parents did not tell you.
Q: I bet you give a good blow job? A: Well, men like the "gumming", they call it. Just have a glass of water ready on the bed table for my teeth please.
Q: You like BBW? A: I think big, bald women are beautiful, but they may crush my bones.
Q: Hi. Can we play? A: A game? Q: Yeah A: How about cards? Do you know Gin Rummy? Q: Cmon and accept. My cock is erect now. A: I have to pee. Can I pee on you? Q: Yes A: Alrighty then.
Q: Still horny at your age? A: Yes, when I watch Kanye West sing.
Q: Do you have Yahoo messenger? A: Yes, but I forgot how to use it. I"ll ask my grandson.
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: Brandybee on January 14, 2015, 03:39:46 AM
Dear anniethyme, ( Granny Annie )
I'm so glad you joined our Forum Village. Big Welcome. I hope you stay around and post your views and ideas as you mosey around the village.
quote Q: I'm horny. Are you horny bb? A: No, I'm not horny. Unless you have a hot tub full of mashed potatoes. unquote.
bb? I'm a little concerned that people are mistaking me for you. I am a little younger, have a hump back, webbed toes, hooked nose and warts ... of course I work out and shovel the make up on so my pic always looks good from my best angle. The hat and pushing away from the wall with my ass slightly protruding takes the focus away from the afflictions, dont you think?
Anyway, I digress. I have this compulsion 3 times a year. There's no cure but I just need to talk about it. I have to ask people to vote. It overwhelms and eventually dies down naturally till the next time... Its happening again as we speak, its building .... and ....
Please read and vote in Erotic Story Contest. It shows support for our little contest and the efforts of all our fine Achat authors. Heres the link ...
Forum Home Page > Organizations & Events > Contests > "CHEATING & INFIDELITY " THE STORIES. EROTIC STORY CONTEST 8 http://www.funnyadultgamesplay.com/forum/index.php/topic,3466.0.html
and please vote on the theme that inspires you for our next contest
Forum Homepage > Organizations & Events > Contests > EROTIC STORY CONTEST 9 - O.T. http://www.funnyadultgamesplay.com/forum/index.php/topic,3467.0.html
Big sigh, see. I'm ok again now ... well till the next at least.
Have fun Granny Annie, no doubt we will see each other in passing ... Have you been to the AB&G? Old_Joe will serve you with a free first drink and may even chat you up... I think he likes sea salt baths...
Brandybee (Aka BB :P )
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 14, 2015, 06:59:47 AM
Dear BB,
I am sorry to hear that I am getting requests that are meant for you, dearie. Shall I redirect them to ask you instead? That might take up much of our time, since there are so many that say "bb". I had no idea you got around that much. Obviously, any afflictions you have are not noticed, so keep on doing what you're doing, dearie.
As for your complaint... Is it hurting you or anyone else? It seems to be a seasonal compulsion, so you know how long the episodes will last. If no one is hurt, it seems harmless enough. If it does cause you discomfort, I can only suggest that you find some home-made, natural remedies to help with the symptoms. If it becomes unbearable, then ask a trusted friend to chain you to the bed. Despite any discomfort, I think it also brings you great pleasure. That is what we call a 'fetish', dearie. It's no great shame to have one, I'm sure most people do. Some women like to solicit for gifts, but you solicit for votes. You may be an advocate for compulsory voting, even, and I think that you have good intentions and want the views of all people represented in the choices available to them.
It will be best for you to accept that you have a fetish, or you may even be proud of it and announce it to the world. Or go with a slogan like, "Rock the Vote!"
Good luck to you, dearie. And I submitted my vote, as you asked.
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: jingerbird on January 14, 2015, 09:51:00 AM
Dear Granny,
I hope you can help me. My Lover has recently bought a black BMW car. He openly tells everyone how his car is better than sex. It has really knocked my confidence. I love him so much but it hurts when he compares his car to me in front of his mates. I have asked him to stop but he says its only a little bit of fun and I'm being too sensitive. It makes me so angry when he says that my ass is bigger then Angelina's (the car).
Please help Granny. I don't know what else to do
Love Jinger
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 14, 2015, 01:27:34 PM
Dear lovely Jinger,
Ohhhhh. So he has an Angelina? Well... there's only one solution I see for this.
Get yourself a Brad!
Go down to the Jaguar dealership and find the hottest RED car that you can (Best if you can use his finances or can take a loan.) Everyday you must say how beautiful it is and rub it with a chamois cloth as you bend over it, showing your ass cheeks falling out of short-shorts. Take it out to dinner alone. Brag about how new and shiny it is, while joking that you are such a Cougar. I suggest this one:
The 2015 Jaguar F-Type Coupe (http://www.carnews2014.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/2015-Jaguar-F-Type-Coupe-Rear-View.png) Drool at its apple-colored rear end.
Alternately, if you can't afford a Jaguar, then buy a real fixer-upper that requires a lot of your time, money, and visits from the young mechanic at Goodyear, Fernando. (http://www.malecelebnews.com/wp-content/images/2013/04/Sebastian-Mendikovic-for-Garcon-Model-03.jpg) He didn't want to get his clothes dirty.
Good luck and tell me how it turns out, dearie.
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: Galavant on January 14, 2015, 02:54:55 PM
Dear Granny Annie,
I am a strapping young lad named Galavant. I have a square jaw, perfect hair and cojones out to there. Some say I am a hero for all the nice deeds I do. One tiny problem would arise. My sword will not stand up for any young maiden of the land. It seems I desire a mature woman of experience. I do not know where to find such a Queen. Once I do, how would I seduce her?
Your Hero,
Sir Galavant
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 14, 2015, 03:29:14 PM
Sir Galavant,
You do sound like quite the knight in shining armor, rescuing damsels from dragons and kings. If you are looking for something that is not in your area, you must travel outside of your comfort zone.
Go on a hero's journey! A quest for a Queen. (http://balamabello.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/monomyth.jpg)
First, get yourself a sidekick, or in modern terms they call it a wingman. Make sure he is smaller than you and dorky. You might lose him along the way though. (http://thebacklot.mtvnimages.com/uploads/2015/01/galavant-102-jsasse.jpg?quality=0.7)
Second, make sure you have a sweet ride. Either this, (http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2014/5/2/1399054316320/Galavant-009.jpg) or this (http://www.popularmechanics.com/cm/popularmechanics/images/jQ/kitt-315-b-1207.jpg)
Third, get a map, close your eyes and let your finger land on a spot to let fate decide where you shall travel to. Try this one: (http://www.nth.altervista.org/HoH_map1.jpg)
So, good luck on the beginning of your journey. When you arrive and find a Queen, write me again and I'll advise on seduction.
Love, Granny
p.s. I hear that enchanted apples are best, if you find one.
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: FoxyRoxxy on January 14, 2015, 03:38:16 PM
Hi Granny welcome to the forum..
I would like to ask you why do men have three things on there mind when we women have twelve
I know we women are creative thinkers ... do you think this is true or just a myth
Thank you
Roxxy
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 14, 2015, 06:17:48 PM
Dear Foxy Dearie,
Thank you for the warm welcome.
I think it is TRUE. But of course, it is a generalization, there are always exceptions to the rule.
Let me show you how the space in a male's mind is occupied: (http://i58.tinypic.com/jphfz9.png)
You can see that there is simply not room for much else., because as studies have shown, the male usually has a fragile ego and must be fed constantly.
Now, whereas, a woman has her own insecurities, but also prioritizes her numerous duties. (http://i60.tinypic.com/34oogoj.png)
I hope this helps you to visualize the maze of the human minds.
Love, Granny
p.s. I suspect shemales would be somewhere in between but we will need to have them comment on it.
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: bluedenim on January 15, 2015, 03:44:42 AM
Hi Annie Thyme, I come here to Achat to play all my fantasies out.
I like being spanked and restrained and sucking men's cocks, but everyone want's to fuck me up the ass, what should I do?
Yours submissively
Blu
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: jayc on January 15, 2015, 12:34:35 PM
Hi Annie Thyme,
please help me with this question, it keeps me up at night and i need to know.
Is the theory of cosmic inflation correct, and, if so, what are the details of this epoch? What is the hypothetical inflation field giving rise to inflation? If inflation happened at one point, is it self-sustaining through inflation of quantum-mechanical fluctuations, and thus ongoing in some extremely distant place?
Thanks in advance
Jayc
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: tangoracer on January 15, 2015, 01:36:33 PM
Hi Annie
I have a great wonderful lover but she is the biggest flirt and all the men love her and wont to be with her.
I keep her very happy (in the bed room :) ) so I can't help wondering if I'm good enough for her.
What can I do to stop her flirting so much
Yours forever hopeful Tango
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: Stone on January 15, 2015, 01:54:33 PM
Dear Granny Annie,
I hope you can help and give me good advice.
Ever since my spouse watched an Einstein Documentary, he mulls over incomprehensible questions. (See Jayc above) He mulls and even raises his knuckles under his chin as he contemplates.
When we make love, he insists I call him Albert or Bertie for short and shouts out E=MC Hardddddd when he climaxes.
All of this I can put up with but… when we are dogging, it raises some eyebrows in the parking lot in the woods.
Please help. A Very Embarrassed and Blushing Stone.
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 15, 2015, 09:57:31 PM
Dear BlueDenim Butt,
Yes, this is addressed to the butt. You know, the one that I am staring at in the picture under your letter. The one that enjoys the spanks. The one that makes the waist bend in order to show off all its assets. You.
Stop teasing us with those luscious cheeks!
But I hate blaming the woman for the problem, so let us look at this epidemic in general.
Anal Intercourse
Back in my day, this was a hush-hush subject that was only shown in Greek porn and amongst poor shepherd boys. Nowadays, all manner of persons are hoping for it. I have done much research on this and gathered some findings of possible explanations for this epidemic.
1. It's a trend. I'd like to assure you that this trend too, shall pass, but if it does, something worse will replace it.
Ridiculous Male Trends of the Past: Blond Highlights The Man Purse Sparkling Vampires (http://data2.whicdn.com/images/49615117/large.jpg) (http://thesatchelpages.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/hangover-218x300.jpg) (http://thenerderypublic.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Edward_sparkling-1-257x285.png)
2. Men who wish for it are subconsciously gay (http://cwstatic.cityweekend.com.cn/files/cache/11/50/11500721cd52026e69318b51e7aaf629.jpg)
3. Men always want what they can't have. They like the challenge. They want to pursue. They want to ask you, but they don't want you to give it away, they must earn the right for it, so they can feel a sense of accomplishment and control over your submissive blue denim ass. Except this guy. He got what he wanted. (http://images.tangomag.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/node-gallery-display/3.jpg)
4. As our current Lyricist Laureate, Taylor Swift, opines, "Boys only want love when its torture." This doesn't specify who is feeling the torture or how its done. Maybe the boy is tortured by your sweet cheeks. Maybe you are tortured by the pain because he didn't take months to prepare you for his intended actions. Maybe both. Who is to say? Hear the riff: https://www.riffsy.com/view/sriff/3571262.riff (http://38.media.tumblr.com/68bd20c525393694cb359867b84eb505/tumblr_netrbcQiec1ttimhco1_500.gif)
Now that we've examined the possible reasonings and motivations for the requests, I hope you can make a well-informed decision, dearie.
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 15, 2015, 10:45:09 PM
Dear Tango,
I suggest you invest in one of these, wooden X frame thingies. (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/60/47/be/6047bead87136c7d99001e4223db205a.jpg)
That will stop that hussy for sure! Enjoy!
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: amourcherry on January 15, 2015, 11:28:36 PM
Dear Granny
Help:
Why do some guys think it’s OK to force your head while you’re giving them head? Why do guys feel threatened by vibrators, but no woman is intimidated by a flesh light? Is to much masturbation bad for you? Why do women care about penis size when about 75 percent only get off from clitoral stimulation?
and
I fantasize about my frineds husband I feel guilty but I cant stop this craving I have for him what should I do. I would not hurt my friend ?
Tormented with desire
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 16, 2015, 12:02:28 AM
Dear Jay-Z,
OMG! That topic keeps me up at night too! "Twinsies!", as my granddaughters say. Astrophysics/Cosmology makes my panties wet. Thanks for the questions.
So, for the uninformed, let's discuss this theory.
Definition: "Cosmic inflation is the idea that the very early universe went through a period of accelerated, exponential expansion during the first 10-35 of a second before settling down to the more sedate rate of expansion we are still experiencing, so that all of the observable universe originated in a small (indeed, microscopic) causally-connected region. Although the universe has been expanding since the initial Big Bang, inflation refers to the hypothesis that, for a very short time, the universe expanded at a sharply INCREASING rate, rather than at the decreasing rate it followed before inflation and has followed since." ... "The theory of cosmic inflation, then, supports the scenario in which our universe is just one among many parallel universes in a multiverse." http://www.physicsoftheuniverse.com/topics_bigbang_inflation.html
1. Is the theory of cosmic inflation correct? A: Given the existence of AChat, I would agree with this scenario. There has to be many universes out there. How else could one explain bell-bottom jeans, haggis, and Miley Cyrus? I believe there's something out there. (http://enthusiasm.cozy.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/haggis.jpg) Haggis: It is an alien egg from another universe
2. if so, what are the details of this epoch? A: Well, one way that we have found information to try to prove this theory is by launching probes in 1992 and 2003. Some scientist "groups" recently discovered "gravitational waves" among the "background radiation", thus giving some evidence. Others prefer to work "alone" to find the answers.
To quote the sexiest physicist alive, Brian Cox: "The cool thing is that the other class of these theories … which many scientists believe are natural extensions, are theories called eternal inflation. These theories would have it that the inflation never stops globally, so it stops in patches. The way it stops is you get a big bang and then you get a universe. So this means there is an infinite amount of universes with an exponentially large amount of universes being created all the time and this is why it’s called eternal inflation. It never stops. So this means you get a multiverse of universes growing unimaginably fast all the time with new universes being created all the time. In eternal model universes, these universes are so far away from ours that we cannot ever get to them. You have no chance of ever contacting or observing them."
3. What is the hypothetical inflation field giving rise to inflation? A: Well, let me use this analogy for the simple/dirty-minded. Much like your mind feels excitement and impulses spark to make the blood flow into your penis from veins, thus "inflating" it to expand into empty space where no penis matter had been, thus is akin to this inflation field. When this can no longer happen naturally, technology can take its place with implants, hoses and machines. Thus, there must exist some cosmic matter, the "field", that acts as veins or hoses. Scientists think it is "dark energy". (http://www.phoenix5.org/sexaids/graphics/implants/amsdraw02a.gif) (http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/257/d6f/545/resized/futurama-fry-meme-generator-so-if-dark-matter-surrounds-us-pentrates-us-and-binds-the-galaxy-together-does-that-make-it-the-force-9f27b3.jpg)
4. If inflation happened at one point, is it self-sustaining through inflation of quantum-mechanical fluctuations, and thus ongoing in some extremely distant place? A: Only if you take a little blue pill, but it can be dangerous if it lasts for more than 4 millennium. However, given the possible "wormholes" of folding space, I'm sure it is always 5'oclock somewhere, in some extremely distant place. (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/1f/44/0b/1f440badcd75720491b17feca26b4d75.jpg)
Q.E.D.
Granny Annie, Ph.D, Astrophysics and Cosmetology
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 16, 2015, 01:00:27 AM
Dear Mrs. Stone,
It sounds to me, dearie, like you got one of them, GOOD PROBLEMS, as we call it.
Oh, if only I could find me a man to discuss the cause and effects of quantum field theory while en flagrante delecto. But I digress... this is about you and your lover.
So.... you are ok with calling him Bertie... ok. I think it's wonderful that you are so tolerant of your partner's desires. So nice.
He screams E=MC hardddddd. That's problem #1. It's supposed to be E=MC ^2, so perhaps you are supposed to yell back "Squared" after he does his part. Maybe this is why he's unable to answer any cosmic questions. He is saying this at the height of his use of his energy, and its dependent on the sum of the mass of your 2 bodies, multiplied by the speed, then squared. So, I think he wants you to go faster, dearie. (http://static.fjcdn.com/comments/Fun+einstein+fact+einstein+was+a+real+playa+he+would+_9c1faeaa7af6fa2db364f163a391028b.jpg)
Third, I am trying to figure out why you are doing it in a parking lot in the woods. And who is watching? I'm not sure I can advise your further on this til I understand the scenario better. (http://favim.com/orig/201105/30/art-eyes-forest-trees-woods-Favim.com-60812.jpg)
That's some kinky shit, girl. I think that's your real problem.
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: FoxyRoxxy on January 16, 2015, 02:17:36 PM
Drear Granny I saw this photo and I think you two look alike are you and Einstein related
keep up the good work I see you are a hit here do you have time to date :D
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: Lover on January 16, 2015, 05:30:27 PM
Dear anniethyme, thanks for helping us so much with all your wisdom, knowledge and intelligence. Now I also have a question: I love doing sports. Running and body workout. Whenever I do this, I get horny and have to shag my girl asap. Can't get enough of this too. When I did this, I'm completely exhausted - but also so full of emotions, that I have to do sports again. I feel like being in a circle... you can imagine how I feel and what I need. How can I get out of this, but also keep both?
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 17, 2015, 01:40:50 AM
Dear Lover,
Oh the feels! Sometimes they can be overwhelming, I know. I've had more than my share, sonny boy.
You ARE in a circle: Exercise --> Horny --> Sex --> Exhaustion --> The Feels --> Desire to lose the burden --> Exercise ...
Native American: (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f1/50/3c/f1503c806953cffe03d58852a0a18541.jpg) This one is akin to yours, but you seem to be missing the connection to the spirit Values. I am sure it is there, you just need to be made aware of it.
Plants/Animals/Food: (http://www.toastmasters.krakow.pl/wp-content/uploads/circle_of_life.png) Yes, we eat dog poo.
The Lion King: (http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/33500000/Circle-of-life-the-lion-king-33508461-280-180.jpg) It's the Ciiiiiiiiiircle of Liiiiiiiiiiife, and it moves us aaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllll, through despair and hooooooooppppe, through faith and loooooooove
Simple solutions
You don’t have to give up exercising to preserve your sexual sanity. In fact, you can break the vicious cycle of exercising and sexual addiction by taking a few simple precautions.
Don’t use a penis with a long narrow shaft. Pick a wide butt, ideally with plenty of padding. Special gel-filled and shock-absorbing butt implants are even available.
Don’t tilt your penis upward, a position that increases pressure on the perineum.
Be sure your penis is at the correct height, so your legs aren’t completely extended at the bottom of your missionary stroke.
For extra protection, consider wearing padded yoga pants.
Shift your position and take breaks during long rides.
Above all, be alert for early warning symptoms. If you experience tingling or numbness in your “privates”, get off your partner.
If the problem recurs even with a broad, padded, well-positioned partner, consider switching to a recumbent sexdoll.
Perhaps the best advice is to make sexual activity part of a balanced fitness program instead of relying on it exclusively. Alternate running with sucking, dogging and heavy petting. Climb off your stationary partner and get on a treadmill, swing, or rowing machine.
Exercising a few simple precautions will ensure that your passion for exercise doesn’t interfere with your passion in the bedroom.
Love, Granny
p.s. Nice shirt you have on.
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 17, 2015, 01:48:25 AM
Dear Foxy,
Thank you, dearie. I just love that you made a shirt to show your support of me, I just wish it had been a picture of me when I was wearing a bra. The girls need a bit more support than they used to.
I am not related to Albert, but I did go to the same hairstylist as him, which is how we met, and well, let's just say that I inspired his paper "On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies" after one hot summer night in Antwerp.
I do have time to date, but only after my duties are done. I was supposed to have a nice dinner date last night with my new gentleman caller, but we began by hot kissing and forgot about the dinner food as we ate each other instead. And oh, I have said too much.
Well, thank you so much dearie.
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 17, 2015, 02:36:35 PM
Dear Cherry,
Q: Why do some guys think it’s OK to force your head while you’re giving them head? A: Clearly, because you have not bitten down yet. (http://l2.alamy.com/thumbs/4/5226b50b-f14a-45ab-ae87-1818a6a08173/ACKNM5.jpg)
Q: Why do guys feel threatened by vibrators, but no woman is intimidated by a flesh light? A: Men realize, deep down, that we are sick of their shit and they fear being replaced. Their dick is the only thing that we don't have biologically, and now we have it mechanically. A Friday night date with a man can be replaced with a good book, a nice chianti, box of chocolates and a dildo. We don't fear being replaced, because most men cannot afford a sexdoll yet, and it can't make them sammiches. (https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSiK6fn3dyGhNwh_S04AZzlDE7xWX1Fp-POYRdH5NU3OIGLcPpx)
Q: Is to much masturbation bad for you? A: Only if you ever hope to please a partner in bed. (http://v023o.popscreen.com/V2t3c0pXemdLUmcx_o_how-over-masturbation-can-affect-your-sexual-health-and-.jpg)
Q: Why do women care about penis size when about 75 percent only get off from clitoral stimulation? A: I don't know where you see that women care about it. I just read 4 sites of hundreds of opinions, and most prefer average. They mostly dislike when its extremely big or small. I dated a Greek man with a small wiener, long ago, and not only did I not feel him go in, but then he didn't even stimulate clitorally or try cunnilingus. Tnat's when we care. (http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l5grqjdJtA1qa42jro1_500.jpg)
Q: I fantasize about my frineds husband. I feel guilty but I cant stop this craving I have for him. what should I do. I would not hurt my friend ? A: They say every person has a "twin" out there, so you need to find his. Also, stop being friends with them. (http://www.neatorama.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/spock.jpg) Evil Spock is even sexier!
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: TG_Chaser on January 17, 2015, 05:49:16 PM
Why wouldn't you look at me during?
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 17, 2015, 10:45:19 PM
Sorry, dearie.
I was busy taking selfies. We are just so darn hot together. I had to prove it to the girls in the Bridge club. (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/93/cf/70/93cf7045f27f417e57c680c1dcc541cd.jpg)
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: jingerbird on January 18, 2015, 12:46:48 PM
Dear Granny,
I am once again in need of your help. I went and bought a sports car (the sales man was lovely ;) ). Every time I want to go out for a drive or just to polish Brad's exhaust, my lover ties me to the cross he has recently built.
I love a good spanking as much as the next fallen angel but a girl needs to buy shoes or boots (depending on your lover's fetish when tied to his cross).
Please help Granny. It's supposed to be 50 shades of Grey not black and blue.
Awaiting your advice whilst rubbing liniment into my tender cheeks. Jinger z
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 20, 2015, 05:00:27 AM
Dear Jinger,
So, you are the hussy mentioned in Tango's letter?
Oh dear, this is not what granny intended at all.
But if I am reading this correctly, you have 2 complaints: 1. need to buy shoes and boots A: What? You don't have enough already? That's why god created Mail-Order, dearie. (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/c6/d8/4b/c6d84b79dcc658143a30502c80bcccc3.jpg) I saved this mail order catalogue from my days as a young lady. Prices still good!
2. black and blue A: That girl in 50 shades was indeed black and blue after being in the red room. Didn't you read it all like I did? (http://content-img.newsinc.com/jpg/396/26448370/14045798.jpg?t=1406196540)
Now, let's get to the real problem... Is he spending more time on you than his Angelina?
If so, at least that problem was solved.
In the meantime, I'll order some pizza delivery to you. (https://tvrecappersanonymous.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/pizza-delivery-boy1.jpg)
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: Marilyn on January 20, 2015, 06:03:59 AM
OT (Off topic): Oh ... my... goodness! :D :D :D I couldn't stop laughing here while reading your thread and posts. Thank you for that! Welcome, Granny! I'll be reading your posts for sure.
OT 2 (On topic... weird that OT works for both On Topic and Off Topic): Do you answer to questions related to ideas for clothing designing (Achat's)? ::)
Marilyn
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: Marilyn on January 20, 2015, 06:25:48 AM
Ok so I couldn't hold myself any longer. Awaiting for your reply regarding my possible questions about clothing ideas for Achat, I'd like to ask you this.
- Which one should I wear tonight for a party? I need strong arguments because I might have made my mind already... I really love one of those more than the others.
- Do you think that the chosen outfit would be a great addition to Achat as a new design?
Thank you in advance, Marilyn
PS: Please Granny reply asap as the party starts early today and I don't want to get late and I'd be totally lost without your wise feedback on this matter. I don't want everyone laughing at me if I get in the party with the wrong outfit. So please hurry up and save me!
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 20, 2015, 06:57:22 AM
Dear Ms. Monroe,
Of course I give fashion advice. I've seen every trend come and go since the gay 20's. What is lacking is the details of your question: What type of party? And what's your body type?
Speaking of trends, Option A is very trendy right now, tho this one is a more avante garde version and the color of a tangerine. This is a good option if you have a few lumps to hide, but a bit of cleavage to show. But it seems more "bedroom robe" than "party dress" to me, unless the theme is Spanish Flamenco.
Option B is a modern take on a retro Charo look, taken up to the capri length, but with just enough gauche to scream "I'm a cheap whore for rich cock" which is a definite winner for any type of party.
Option C is only an option if the party is "Bi-curious Japanese schoolboy manga" themed. Or, if its an accordion players fetish convention. Is that a Thom Browne design?
I'd say the best bet for an achat design is Option B.
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on January 22, 2015, 12:23:09 AM
New commercial where a girl talks about her car, Brad
And then there is the follow-up issue: can all be forgotten? You may not have a clean slate, but you can move forward and strive to be a good, good girl.
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: Tommy_72 on March 24, 2015, 12:53:15 PM
Dear Granny Thyme,
Along with others who have posted on this thread, I can only marvel at the lucidity and wisdom of your responses to such a diverse and tricky range of questions! Are you possibly of Chinese/Welsh ancestry? For i see a direct lineage from Confucious through Bertrand Russel to yourself, in the analytical brilliance of your thought!
I have so many questions of my own, I hardly know where to begin.
First - where ARE you? I pray you have not slipped off this mortal coil, and are still with us!
Second - WHERE did you find a picture of a haggis on LETTUCE??! This image struck horror into my Celtic eyes - the lettuce was not even battered! This does indeed suggest the presence of wormholes and the like through which parallel universes may be reached, where such hideous possibilities, although perverse to our eyes, may in fact be commonplace, and I dare say might even be considered 'normal'.
Third - mystifyingly, some of my friends don't like haggis, and I always end up over-buying, and then my good lady wife and I are left with a surfeit of the damn things after every Burns' Night. Can you give me two or three suggestions for non-culinary uses one can put a haggis to?
Yours faithfully,
Tommy
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: TG_Chaser on April 08, 2015, 04:58:47 PM
I'm gonna fuck the fear turkey
https://youtu.be/c9PVjqw2zVQ
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on April 18, 2015, 09:37:17 AM
Dear Haggis-Loving Tommy,
1. I was on Spring Break. Duh..... (https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/bikini-grandmother.jpg?w=650)
2. I went to Google, typed in image search "haggis", then pointed to the 7th picture result. You should try it sometime. Warning: there are many other pictures of said item atop lettuce. It's called GOOGLE. www.google.com is the address. Then go to the image tab. Tell your friends too!
3. Oh yes, dearie. I'm surprised you don't already know some yourself. If it hardens, it makes a nice rugby ball. (http://www.premiersportsdirect.com/imagecache/1e6cea02-8381-43c2-af55-a0ac00b19508_200x200.png) If it hardens, paint a scaley design in green, yellow or red and bring it to a Game of Thrones party as your dragon egg. (http://cdn.hbowatch.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/00361843-859433_catl_500.jpg)
And if its still soft, and your wifey is away, its a good flesh-sack. You ever see the movie American Pie? Like that. (http://images2.static-bluray.com/reviews/5737_2.jpg)
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: Tommy_72 on April 18, 2015, 11:34:05 AM
Dear Granny Thyme,
Thanks for your answers, they were most illuminating. That'll teach me to engage in such flippant tomfoolery!
I hope you had a nice break, despite the arrest. However, I shall steer clear of asking after your wellbeing again in the future! Or of asking foolish rhetorical questions! Indeed, I shall be wary of darkening your advice column again with any of my frivolous nonsense!
I must say that your 'alternative uses' answer was a godsend, though - by sheer coincidence, I'm attending a Game of Thrones themed bacchanal this very evening, and I was stuck for a prop, so your timing was perfect. Purveyor of dragons' eggs I shall be!
Thanks again, Granny Thyme. Take care, and mind your hip joints when bending.
Haggis-Loving Tommy
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: AusWoody on April 18, 2015, 01:09:04 PM
Welcome back Grannie you were missed I understand communication restrictions in jail
should have called i would have fronted your bail
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: Brandybee on April 18, 2015, 01:26:46 PM
I would have chipped in too.
I heard you got your hips fixed and taught the inmates the new walk. Good on ya.
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on April 18, 2015, 01:50:17 PM
Tommy,
Never be hesitant to send me foolish questions. Those are the best kinds. I am jealous that I cannot attend said party with you, surely they need a Queen of Thorns. Oh well, let me know how it is.
Woody,
Thank you, dearie. I shall tattoo your # on my palm so its ready if I get booked again.
Brandy,
WHERE DID YOU get that video??? They told me they'd delete it after we had our fun. Damn liars!
Jinger,
Did you get a sausage pizza delivered to you? Oh my, I forgot to tip the delivery guy. I hope he made it.
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: Kaitlyn72 on April 18, 2015, 04:18:02 PM
Granny, tell me about the good old days. Did families really bow their heads and pray? Did daddies never go away?
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on April 18, 2015, 10:32:46 PM
Dear Kaitlyn,
Ahhhh the good old days. When men were men and sheep were afraid. When you could put a nickel in the nickelodeon and hear your favorite new song.
Yes, people had to bow their heads and pray on many occasions.
French Revolution: (http://desertderetz.info/robespierre.jpg)
As for daddies never going away, well.... daddies did not stay at home and be Mr. Mom, no. (http://static.gamesradar.com/images/totalfilm/m/mr-mom-1983--00.jpg)
So they had to go away often. Usually just to work for the day, either in a factory or office. (http://www.ssa.gov/history/orals/bynum4.gif)
Sometimes on long trips. Especially if he was a sailor, in war time. They couldn't wash their clothes often. (http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTA2OVgxNjAw/z/yFEAAOxyVaBSxgoM/$_1.JPG)
And sometimes they go out to the doctor and never return. But then a 2nd mom comes home instead. (http://i1.wp.com/radaronline.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/bruce-jenner-transformation-pp-2.jpg?fit=551%2C9999)
Ah, the good ole days.
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: jayc on May 03, 2015, 05:36:38 PM
Dear Granny, Doing a little digging into your past, I have learned you hosted some epic dinner parties back in the day. In my research I came upon these amazing photos. Could you please tell us readers what transpired that night when you broke bread with 3 of the most extraordinary men of our time? Alice Cooper, Colonel Harlan Sanders and Vincent Price.
(http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/d3/52/bd/d352bd4ba64de8e9635091904ad46af1.jpg) The Colonel and Alice
(http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/4440239/600full-vincent-price.jpg) "My real name is Vincent too."
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: AusWoody on May 03, 2015, 05:41:00 PM
GRANNIE!!!!!!!!!!!! get back here we're lost without your advice
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on May 09, 2015, 07:31:42 AM
Dear JayC Penny,
You caught me. I'll fess up to it.
It was what you younguns would call a pot party. It began with a dozen live chickens - Alice killed em, Vincent plucked em, and Sanders fried em. Imagine a mixture of weed, fried chicken and a bit of naughtiness while watching the House on Haunted Hill.
Granny
...
Woody,
Yes, exactly. Why would I get back here when there are no questions?
Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: FoxyRoxxy on May 09, 2015, 09:06:33 AM
welcome back Granny
we missed you
yes no questions but you can still give us advice on any think
I just love to read what you have to say you are awesome
;D
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: jingerbird on May 13, 2015, 07:54:33 AM
Hi Granny, Please help me again, I don't know what to do. My boyfriend has now decided that he prefers my car, Brad, to his own car, Angelina.
Angelina and I are worried that this is the way of the future for him and we will be both left stranded with out our love.
Help us Granny. Please help us. We don't know what to do, or how to win him back. That car of mine is way too sexy.
Gratefully Jinger
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on May 16, 2015, 05:11:37 AM
Dear Jingy,
Win him back? Brad or your man? It's not a fight, dearie. And if he's this mercurial, he does not sound like a prize I'd want. Then again, this is the downside of Brad being too sexy, but who knew that your man would switch sides, as they say.
A question to consider: Does Brad prefer your man? If so, just throw in the towel now. If not, we have options:
1. Go for Angelina. Seeing if your man will notice this is a good test for his... preclusions. And she could probably use a woman's touch. (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/80/39/ab/8039abe49b55cc327c6a735805955556.jpg)
2. Take Brad to visit the mechanic. It would be a shame if some of Brad's parts aren't working right, or he breaks down often, iykwim. (http://www.laurenfraser.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/marco-212x300.jpg)
3. Trade-in Brad for a newer/older model. Yes, its unfortunate, but boys like Brad are only meant for a fling, rarely long lasting. I'm guessing your man would never touch this one: (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/c4/f4/55/c4f455e9e5491eb1373a7a85f850800a.jpg)
Good luck dearie, keep me updated.
Love Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: FoxyRoxxy on May 29, 2015, 04:59:19 PM
Hi Granny
tell me what to do when you cant stand the father of your kid
not even to talk to him
because he was a cheating bastard LOSER
dead beat is never there for here when she needs him but is still tacking the said of his co cheating - hag
but my kid thinks his some kind of super guy and I am keeping them apart..
the hag thinks I might want him back Omg thats so gross to even think I would take a crap back after she had him...
so tell me what do I do to control my anger
and tell my kid the I dont want him back over and over
and his a Shit head that I cant stand hiim with all my hate is for him...
but I do like all his family
Enraged Foxy Roxy
PS. hey can you tell me what I can do to to that hag ... and look like a lady ;) still ::)
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on May 30, 2015, 01:08:41 AM
Dear Foxy,
I feel your pain. I have been in your shoes, and now you have to put up with the stink I left in them.
But take heart, all is not lost:
1. Don't talk to him. Write letters. Put them in the mailbox, it will take 2 days til it reaches his address, and 2 days til he can reply to you. Snail Mail: (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2HgivAR-kYY/VUkqi1BG6RI/AAAAAAAAHJ8/rjayzwKQ38A/s1600/snailmail2.png)
2. Don't need him anymore. Get yourself any/all of the following: (http://www.peak-home-improvement.com/images/handyman.jpg) and (http://www.barnonedrinks.com/tips/dictionary/images/949.jpg) and (http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31ognpd8BpL._SX300_.jpg) and (http://www.world104.com/blog/tokyoinsider/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/point_d.jpg) and (http://ff68a0.34.ekmpowershop.net/ekmps/shops/ff68a0/images/c-string-vibe-panties-48-p.jpg)
3. For the hag, I would recommend voodoo dolls, but I used that dark magik on my neighbor once, and he died of a heart attack a few months later. So... just ignore her. (http://yogaspy.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/businessman-voodoo-doll-giclee-print-c12350887.jpeg)
4. To release your anger: (https://fitnessbloggers.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/female-kickbox.jpg)
if that does not work, then join the Dark Side: (http://img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com/1acbe11a58cb7fcbcdd210703a9be608/http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e199/lordvader78/JoinDarkside.jpg)
Hope some of this works!
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on June 19, 2015, 06:57:07 AM
Hey Haggy Boy,
I found this ad for an item you may want to buy on email. For those parties you go to. http://mashable.com/2015/06/18/dildo-game-of-thrones-ebay/
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: FoxyRoxxy on July 04, 2015, 07:28:24 AM
Dear Annie
I need some real help what do you do
if you are driving on the Hwy / road and you get a flat tire
I dont know what to do for reals :o
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: TG_Chaser on July 09, 2015, 04:48:58 PM
one of my testicles hangs lower than the other, is that normal?
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: FoxyRoxxy on July 15, 2015, 08:57:31 PM
Dear Annie
same question but why do some boob why is one biger then the other
Annnieeeeeeeeeeeeeee
where are you !
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: FoxyRoxxy on October 13, 2015, 05:01:38 AM
Dear Granny
Last night I had pizza before going to bed. I have nightmares when I eat late so I wake up and cant sleep now , I had this Nopal plant giving me life wisdom on life and his floating on water, following me wherever I go so had to get up
But can you tell me the meaning of this dream please
I have not seen you in some time I hope you are ok and come say hi :)
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on June 29, 2016, 09:17:45 AM
Dear TG and Foxxy,
This is common. Not only does the internet say so, but Megan Trainor too.
I see the magazines working that Photoshop We know that shit ain't real Come on now, make it stop If you got beauty beauty just raise 'em up 'Cause every inch of you is perfect From the bottom to the top
And if you're still worried... look on the bright side... your partner will have two sizes to choose from, or enjoy both!
Love, Granny
Title: Re: Ask Granny advice column (RP for all)
Post by: anniethyme on June 29, 2016, 09:32:09 AM
Dear Foxy,
Thanks for your concern, dearie. Granny also has weird dreams when she eats or has sugar right before bed, but hers involve George Hamilton dressed up like an extra crispy Colonel Sanders and feeding her purple chicken legs by hand in the middle of a turkish bath.
(http://l2.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/snnMBEv3uQrtBCDAQA9qSQ--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3NfbGVnbztxPTg1O3c9NDUx/http://media.zenfs.com/en/homerun/feed_manager_auto_publish_494/d6791f8dd704c5f65527b81fb233efd1) A hunk-a burning chicken love!
Anyhoo, Some boys I know had a similar dream from eating desert desserts. Maybe their journey will inspire you to figure out your own: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKYUz7kx3jA