What makes a good Master or Dominant?
This article is about consensual role-playing in a sexual relationship.
Of course actual slavery for the purpose of sexual exploitation is against the law.
BDSM is about consenting to be a pet or a submissive or a slave for a Master or Mistress.
If the consent ends, so does the play. No one is ever forced to play.
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BDSM is an acronym that means:
Bondage and discipline
Dominance and submission
Sadism
Masochism
In BDSM, Master/slave or M/s is a relationship in which one individual serves another in an authority-exchange structured relationship.
The structure is agreed mutually by the Master and slave. The slave agrees to trust the Master and consents to give up her consent.
He controls and commands everything.
Therefore a Master needs to be considerate to his slave, look after her needs and nurture the gift she has given him.
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Unlike Dominant / submissive structures found in BDSM, love is often the core value.
Service and obedience are often the core values in Master/slave structures.
The Slave wants to please her Master and the Master wants to be proud and show off her obedience.
The participants may be of any gender or sexual orientation.
The relationship uses the term "slave" because of the ownership rights of a master to their slave's body, as property or chattel.
Male "masters" will usually be referred to as "Master" or “My Lord” by their slaves, submissives or pets.
Other Masters are addressed as “Sir”
Female masters are referred to as "Mistress" or “My Lady” by their slaves, submissives or pets.
Other mistresses are addressed as “Mistress”
The Master/slave (or owner/property) relationship is entered into on a consensual basis, without the legal force of historical or modern non-consensual slavery, that is forbidden by the laws of most countries.
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It is important That the BDSM couple trust and agree what they want and expect from the relationship. They should discuss and agree:
what their boundaries and perimeters are ;
what are hard limits (Things they wont do) ;
and what is a safe word for when boundaries are pushed and tested.
The safe word means STOP IMMEDIATELY. NO MORE.
Write down the agreed rules and add or take away as the relationship progresses.
Contraventions will attract a punishment by the Dom. Good behaviour will attract rewards.
A Master/slave or Dominant/submissive relationship is of consent only. If consent is withdrawn, the play must stop.
If the play does not stop, then it is abuse.
BDSM relationships do not condone abuse whether physical or mental.
A Master or Mistress has a responsibility to look after his property and this should be borne in mind during play and should be fully aware of their underlings boundaries, hard limits and safe words. They should nurture the trust, like and even love of their submissive.
The moment a safe word is uttered, the play should stop and the welfare of the underling taken care of.
If the underling contravenes or breaches the agreed rules, then they should expect punishment from their Dominant.
This can take many forms, but the favourites are spanking, public spanking, public nudity or even public sex or blow jobs with persons chosen by the Dom.
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All relationships are different and therefore Dominants and submissives make rules that work for them and their relationship.
Not all relationships will have the same rules but all will have the essence of care and trust and respect for each other in play.
The creeds should be borne in mind.
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The Dominants Creed should be read.
The Submissives creed should be read.
The Dominant’s Creed
Author unknown
Above all else, a Dominant cherishes their submissive in the knowledge that the gift the submissive gives is the greatest gift of all.
A Dominant is demanding and takes full advantage of the power they hold, but knows how to share the pleasure that comes from such power over another.
A Dominant is in control of themselves first and foremost, so that they may control others.
As a stern and demanding Dominant, they can cause their submissive to cry real tears; As a consummate lover, they will kiss such tears away without stepping out of character.
In times of trouble, a Dominant will leave the roles behind and be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two individuals.
A Dominant is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality.
A Dominant will never ask a submissive to put them before the submissive’s career or family just to satisfy their own pleasure.
To win a submissive’s mind, body, spirit, soul and love, a Dominant knows they must first win the submissive’s trust.
A Dominant will show their submissive humour, kindness and warmth.
A Dominant must always show their submissive that their guidance and tutoring in knowledgeable and deserving of the submissive’s attention, that the Dominant is a person they can learn from in in whom they can trust their direction.
A Dominant is romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. When called upon, they will fight for their submissive’s honour.
A Dominant proves to their submissive that they are someone who can be leaned upon and depended upon.
When it comes time to teach their submissive a lesson is obedience, a Dominant is a strong and unyielding teacher.
A Dominant will accept no flaw; nothing less than perfection from their student.
Never does a Dominant use discipline without good reason. When they punish their submissive it is always with a knowledgeable and careful hand.
A Dominant is always open to communication and discussion; always ready to hear their submissive’s wants and needs.
A Dominant is patient, taking time to learn their submissive’s limits and knowing that as the submissive’s trust in them grows, so to will they grow.
A Dominant never has to demand ritual behaviour from their submissive. Their submissive responds to them out of the want of pleasing them. Compliance comes from the desire to please, not the fear of punishment.
A Dominant understand the fragile nature of mind and body and never violates the trust given to them.
A Dominant is secure enough to laugh at themselves and the absurdities of life; open-minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow.
A Dominant’s tools are mind, body, spirit, soul and love.
A Dominant understands that E/each partner gains most from pleasuring the O/ther. And B/both of T/them know that love and trust are the only bonds that truly hold.
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The Submissive’s Creed
Author Unknown
I will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits and experience. I realise that failing to do so will not only prevent my Dominant and I from having the best experience possible, but it can also lead to physical and emotional harm.
I will try not to manipulate my Dominant. I will not push to make a scene go the way I feel it should. In other words, I will not Top from the bottom.
I will keep an open mind about trying things that I am not comfortable with and on expanding my limits.
I will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being.
I will accept the responsibility for discovering what pleases my Dominant and will do my best to fulfil Their wishes and desires.
I will not allow myself to be harmed or abused.
I know that being a submissive does not mean being a doormat.
I will be courteous and helpful to my fellow submissives. I will share my knowledge and experience with others in the hope that they will learn and benefit from where I have been. I will take time to help those new to the scene start out on the correct path.
I will be responsive to my Dominant.
I will not try to hide what my mind and both are feeling so that I may assist Them in their responsibilities as my Authority.
I know Dominants are not telepaths and I will not expect my Dominant to know thoughts or feelings which I do not share.
I will accept in the responsibility of a scene or relationship gone bad. I will not place total blame on my Dominant when it is not warranted simply because They are the Dominant. I realise things may not work out as they should at time and will try my best to put it behind me and move on.
I will give my submission only to those who can responsibly accept it and desire to receive it. I will not place anyone in the position of Dominating me non-consensually, nor will I give my respect to someone who has not earned it.
I will be obedient to my Dominant even if I disagree with what They are requesting. I realise They have my best interests at heart and often know better than I what I need in a particular situation.
I know that my actions reflect upon my Dominant, and will do my best to help others to see Them in a positive way.
I will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Dominant.
Above all, I will wear my title of submissive with honour.
I will never cause others to think that being submissive means to be weak or sub-human.
I will take pride in who I am and will never show myself in a negative way.
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