Kinky and Vanilla

[christinak]

I've noticed that some people are under the impression that just because a person is kinky that they are not interested in "vanilla sex" (the term most kinky people use for non-taboo sex) and that all they are interested in is someone who is ready to break out the riding crop as soon as we room.  Or that somone whose kink only extends to a furry blind fold and licking whipped cream off various body parts, may not be kinky enough for someone whose kink extends to floggers, and needle play. 

Now I like clamps on my nipples and having hot candle wax dripped on me just as much as the next kinky gal, but I still like to be romanced, held,  kissed, and to just have a close intimate experience. 

So if you've seen someone on that has caught your eye and you aren't approaching them because you think they won't find your brand of sex to be spicy enough for them, please try anyway.  You may be surprised.

[Bear]

True Christy.... but openly admitting enjoying the kink... well, carries a stigma with it though.  Some consider us "soiled",... degenerate... incapable of knowing true emotion.

We can speak all we want of being open in all consideration... and truly we are... but the true limitations are the biased attitudes others  that others place on us.

Poke and pull on the right chains,... and you will find deep romantic souls beneath the rough facade of our exteriors.

[christinak]

Well here's to hoping that attitudes can change.

[Rukya]

i agree with you , since i became a mistress , it seem that only my subs are able to think that i'm romantic . This make me angry sometimes , but i dont mind . I know i'm romantic and the others can think what they want 

[Lover]

I repeat part of a statement I posted one minute ago in "Romance". I believe it fits to this topic too:

Love, sex, life in general is so much more then just one face. It's electic, having many facings. And every time we say "it has to be so" or "i am..." we cut off the other sides. We loose the chance to make new experiences, to discover new things we perhaps like (or dislike) and to find out more about ourselves. This is not my understanding of life and living. I wanna stay curious, keep the child inside and to develop myself.

We don't have to like or to agree with each possible kind of living - which also means we don't have to like each kind of sex. If there is something we don't want we don't have to do - especially here. But if we all learn to accept even those (things) we don't like (which doesn't mean we have to agree with) this earth will be a better place.

Life is great - go out and enjoy it!

[Bear]

Chuckles... I prefer letting the inner child run free.... he's a good deal more fun than that strict disciplinarian...

[Brandybee]

Certainly I think the more extreme the kink, the more the stigma...  thats why I think its good people are open and explain their likes and dislikes more..  education and knowledge breeds tolerance and understanding ...

Maybe ..  these vanilla people feel that they may not be enough to start a relationship with a more extreme minded person .. to put limitations on such intimate relations may make them feel they are causing you an injustice ... and perhaps restricting your enjoyment and pleasure ...
Guess communication is the key in those situations ...

"Soiled ... degenerate" ... not in my book ... just different tastes .  Those kind of words , I use for unlawful practices.

Whatever you enjoy ... have fun now  

[Lover]

Bear, I think you know what I mean but just to make sure. I don't hide my inner child, just don't wanna loose it

[Bear]

Something unintentionally lost in translation my friend... when one speaks of "keeping it inside" we tend to read it as keeping it closed off away from others...

You might say "Keeping the child close to the heart"

Brandy communication is exactly right...for those in the kink,... well that is something second nature to understand the motivations and levels of acceptable play,... boundaries and trust....openness in expressing this to another. True tops are generally perceptive people and understand the necessity to dig into the soul of their partners. Not all are comfortable with that directness.

Like Ruyka though I have met with discrimination... and I am very open about the degree to which I have played here. You would be surprised how many turn quickly away....never to be heard from again. I don't mind....I rather they know first and foremost I am honest and open. Besides I get amused when some try to tease the Dom out of me in room play...best they can do is tease a sliver of that beastie... the true side is always nicely compartmentalized and tucked away.

[Covems]

Certainly I think the more extreme the kink, the more the stigma...
"Soiled ... degenerate" ... not in my book ... just different tastes .  Those kind of words , I use for unlawful practices.
Whatever you enjoy ... have fun now  

Yep, communication is the key to everything, and as Sly and The Family Stone sang, "Different strokes for different folks."  Everyone has a place here and can play their game the way they want to.  Even the Shit_Diva's skat has a place, though that is one that I will pass by on my way to Eva, because I don't like that.

True story:
When my daughter was not quite 1 year old, my wife thought it would be cute to put the naked baby, fresh from the bath, on the floor to "go get your daddy".  Well... it was cute, as she crawled over to me.  That is until I was handing her up to my wife.  I was lying on the floor on my back... baby held up at arms length with my hands under her arms... bare bottom hovering over me...  when I saw it.  The little anus opened and baby pooped right on her daddy.  My wife thought it was hysterically funny... I didn't like it, though I had to laugh too.  So I know I don't like it.

I once tried to catch my son's vomit in my hands so it wouldn't get on the couch.  Reflex action.  I didn't like that, either.

[TightFit74]

A lot of wise and sensible things have been said already, as I have come accustomed to on this forum.

I would like to make a distinction between what someone does (says), and who someone is. "Judging the book by it's cover" in other words.

For those who discard someone for their kink, viewing it as 'degenerate or soiled' purely based on what you read in a profile, I consider narrow minded. It ignores the person that wrote those words, as a person. What someone does is not who someone is. There are more levels to each and everyone's personality and one may drift to the surface more often as the other. Excluding someone purely based on a phrase or a preference, might indeed shut the door to a meaningful relationship, wether sexual or on a friendship base.

An open mind and a healthy curiosity has definitly enriched my life and changed my view on sexuality as whole, dramatically.

[bluedenim]

A lot of what has been posted below, applies directly to me.

I have never made any secret of my kink, but I play with people who are not kinky and I am and enjoy being, very romantic, isn't every girl?

Give me flowers, dinner & wine any time.. )))

I lost Someone as a friend because he can't differentiate between my enjoying being spanked and people who crave abuse and degradation, which he finds a complete turn-off. I make no such judgements, but I can accept his point of view in the same way that I can accept that people have kinks that I would definitely not want to play.

[Trekmanalpha]

You havent lost me blue.

[bluedenim]

Mwah!

I sometimes think my mouth is just a big hole for faux pas's to gush from.................................

Maybe I just talk too much.

[mercer78]

I find the opposite problem being quite vanilla I get looked down on like I'm some sort of prude or lack imagination which upsets me a bit to be honest.