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: Trying to clarify my toughs....  ( 13767 )
hentaiboy69
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« : May 21, 2012, 03:43:33 AM »

I had think about this all this weekend and at last, i decided to write this cause i need to have some opinion about something about my experience here....


As all you know, i'm a man but there are so many others things you don't know but maybe someone of you had notice.....well, first of this things is i don't have a so open personality in real. i mean, in my work i have so many contact whit different peoples and administration, so during this last 12 years things had move a little better, but when it comes about personal stuf and interaction whit girls, well, i'm a totally dumb ass and, please don't laugh cause for how i am it's totally embarassing, i have to admit i don't had have any type of relationship and you can easly imagine what it means: never had sexual experience before.....

And here comes the experience i have here and the only real one (even if it can be considered a full sex experience): from when i had started here at the end of august, i had meet so many nice peoples, girls and boys, and at last i had really enjoy both and some of them know about my true self, some peoples i really care or, anyway, peoples i find interessing.

Well, all begun 7 months ago....i had post before about i had met a man who, when he learnd i live in Italy, had say to me he would like to meet me cause he move to italy for work, sometimes. I explain to him all, about i'm a man too and i'm not into that type of stuff.....
Some time had passed from that and, before Christmas, he say it again and i answer him i don't had change my mind. After that, he disappear for long time from Achat, till he pop up again some week ago and we had met again, many times.

Till few days ago, when he said to me he hope someday he can do it in real......i talk whit him explaining  it again, about i don't want it or, to be more clear, i'm not sure if i want it. And last friday night, things get "worst" (it's not the right word....): talking whit him when we was in room, it cames out about my mail (in this moment, i don't remember how we end talikng of it) and he ask to me if i can give it to him. Ok, it wasn't a big deal, cause i had set one just for Achat (not my real name on it, of course!) so i had give it to him.....well, after few minutes, he had send me a pic of his huge cock......that had surprise me and confused me......i mean, wow, never expect it so much (but it jump in my mind he will probably do it)  but i feel my hearth bumping damn fast! we continue our meeting and it was so exciting....so much! and, before leaving, he had ask me if i will send him my pic.......oh my! anyway, i answer him i need time to think on it and i don't had make any promise.

But for this two last days, i can't stop thinking on it......on his pic......a part of me really want to do it, remembering my old experience (20 years ago!) cause at last, when i think on it, it was really exciting. it wasn't full sex, just jerking of in front of each other or stroking his cock sometimes (he had done the same to me) and it was only few times, but cant' get this tough out of my mind now....
Plus, well, i can't deny i had try something more by my self in the past years, even if it was just some isolate time......yes, i had try my fingers in my ass and some, well, sort of home made toys......i can't say i'd really love it, but even i can't say i don't had like it......

And now....something i had never expect before is happend....thanks to Achat, or maybe it's only the fault of Achat!? i don't know.....
Well, the point is this: i had start thinking how it will be touching his cock., playing whit it......i feel this desire growing little by little and pushing me to the desire of sending him a pic and maybe more.....till, maybe, meeting him.....and this is confusing me too much, never had think about this stuff before!

I had talk of this whit another friend here (he know i'm a guy too) and he suggest me to take my time: i know he is perfectly right and i agree whit him, but really....in this moment it's so hard to clarify my mind.....and this is why i'm writing it here, cause i really want to know your impression and, i'll hope!, maybe i can have some other good hint from you, my friend!

A really, really confused HB

« : May 21, 2012, 08:26:47 AM hentaiboy69 »

Lover
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« #1 : May 21, 2012, 04:14:31 AM »

HB, congrats to this step. It's very brave to post it here, to tell about your experiences and feelings and to admit you're confused. This means a big progress in your own personal development.
Perhaps just writing down your thoughts and emotions helped you?! Writing is a big help to get the right answers - or, one step before, to find the right questions.
I'm sure you don't expect an answer - the only person who is able to decide what to do is youself.
You're playing a shemale here - could it be a sign you like both gender, male and female? Or that you are not sure about what you prefer and this game (being a shemale) has been a sign of your unconscious, which you didn't recognize before in your life?

When you think about yourself now, do you feel more being a man loving man, a man loving both or a man loving girls, but is interested in sexual experiences with other men?
Your friend is right - take your time and find out. Go on writing down your thoughts (perhaps here or perhaps you prefer a diary) to clarify your mind.
If you like I offer my help in listening to you or talking in a more private area - perhaps in room? I have to work soon but will be back late in the evening/night and you always may ask me if you want. I had several trainings in coaching and if I can help it would be a pleasure for me. Of course, trust is the most important point in coaching, so if you are not sure, don't be afraid to deny my offer.

Once more I say you're very brave and it seems, AChat might be a lucky chance for you - not just a wonderful game, but also a big step forward in your own development.

Lover

TightFit74
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« #2 : May 21, 2012, 04:41:15 AM »

Dear Hentai,

*taking a deep bow* It takes a big heart (and big balls :) ) to take this step and open up in this public place. For that I applaud you. I do have a question. What is it that confuses you the most? In your story you mention two things: your feelings towards a man, and your feelings towards a meeting, and both confuse you?

If I may, I'd like to share a story about a girl I met her. When I met her, she was still a virgin. Had never been kissed, let alone touched by a boy or a man. As we started talking, she explained she wanted to explore her sexuality, find out what sexuality actually was. And as time progressed, she discovered herself more and more. Guided by me and a few other friends she met. She started playing with toys, explored her desires and her sexuality developed, evolved.

She met a man here on achat that offered to show her how it is done in real. She accepted his offer and they met. The meeting was a succes. Her lover was careful with her and showed her a lot of the things she had dreamed of. Where she was shy and insecure about sex and sexuality before, now she can't get enough of it. I am not saying she's become a slut, on the contrary. She is very selective and has had one partner only. But her sexual fire has been ignited and once that happens, I feel it never stops burning again...

What I am trying to say with this story is, that through this game you discover yourself and your sexuality. Your desires, your wants, the things that make you excited. And ìt takes time to explore them and find out if they are real, or a consequence of a very arousing moment. I have discovered things about myself that I may have never found out if I hadn’t used this program.

I think it is worth that you explore the feelings you have and the first step you have made already. Talking about it, outing and sharing your feelings can be very helpful. And on a personal note, Lover is very capable of assisting you in your search for your feelings. I’d like to offer my help as well, as I have a similar (yet less extensive) background as him.

Explore those feelings with care and attention and find someone to talk to. Be proud!


The mind... the most powerful Aphrodisiac...
hentaiboy69
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« #3 : May 21, 2012, 06:06:32 AM »

Thanks to both of you for your word.....and yes, Tight, i had think a lot before posting this here. till the last istant i had start to write it, i wasn't sure if i have to do it or not.
Anyway, your words are another proof of the presence of nice peoples here on this forum.

Lover, i will follow my friend tips, i'll gonna take my time, think on it and only when i'm really sure about my feeling i'll gonna take a decision about a real meeting or not.....but, even if this gonna happend, that doen't mean this meet will end in a sex date. maybe it will be just a first step to know him better, to find out if what i feel now (well, better say what i presume to feel, maybe!) it's something true or not.
No need to hurry cause i don't want take a decision if i'm not so sure of it
« : May 21, 2012, 06:42:01 AM hentaiboy69 »

taztexan
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« #4 : May 21, 2012, 06:19:11 AM »

HB, took a lot of courage and trust in us to post your feeling for this man. Something that I admire very much about you. I have read your posts in the past and feel I know you in some way. Yes, do take your time and make sure it's the right thing for YOU first and foremost. If the man truly cares for you and wants to be with you he will wait.

Love or even just passion for one another is a beautiful and wonderful thing and should be cherished when it is experienced. Online relationships can be difficult, but him moving to your country for work makes anything possible. Go easy my friend and don't let him push you into anything you don't want to do.  If it's right for you, you will know it and I'm sure all of us will agree in wishing you find happiness whether it be with this man or someone else.

We're here for you my friend....


Lt. Taz, Spermicide Detective Div.  -  The devilish Texan  =)~
hentaiboy69
Hero Member
*****
: 7883



« #5 : May 21, 2012, 08:57:08 AM »

...a part of me really want to do it, remembering my old experience (20 years ago!) cause at last, when i think on it, it was really exciting. it wasn't full sex, just jerking of in front of each other or stroking his cock sometimes (he had done the same to me) and it was only few times, but cant' get this tough out of my mind now....

this was basically the reason why i had choose to become premium whit my shemale avatar.....it was when i start here, even if i have a male one. don't  remember how i met that guy (not the one i had talk in my first post here) and we talk for a little and this thing come out. i'll remeber how i feel that time....embarassed but at the same time it was a little exciting. at least we spend some time together a couple of time.

and thinking at what happend that time and about i had sometimes think how it will be being a real shemale (onestly, before i know Adera, my opinion was really different about them. sorry, adera, know i had learn a lot thank to you Adera, and i think you are really sweet), i had subscrive the premium memnbership whit my shemale account.

so much things happend in those months, few bad and a lot really interessing and make me happy. and one of the best is being part of this nice community born on the forum, i really enjloy every one here! thanks to all!
« : May 21, 2012, 09:05:32 AM hentaiboy69 »

chien_lubrik
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Evelyne


« #6 : May 21, 2012, 09:18:17 AM »

Hello kinds Peoples of the DreamWorld's Forum

I am of few guidance for Heart's Stuff.

But first of all Hentaï. Greetings to you a lot.

I may really add a nice guidance, for I myself am very dumb and lost about what I may feel and what I may do in such a situation.
So I may think that many peoples are very more qualified than me for giving you, Hentaï, some good and nice advice about
the feeling you may discovered yourself.

What I know a lot better is meeting "strangers" ( or "cyber-friends" ) So I may, if you please, give you some advices.

Before, I may tell That my experience have NO references to peoples of the DreamWorld, but from others contact-web and tribes ( who was also very specifics ).
Also I may add that meeting peoples, is the only way, at a time to feel the best ever experience in the world, exchanging our pleasures with a one with share feelings.

But, unfortunately, Real live is not a place for pastel pink unicorns and blue fluffy rabbits.

I, so, Dear Hentaï agree with your friends and add my voice to tell you, not to wait, but to take your time.
Please, take your time to clafify your lust, your own feelings. Because sometime, frustrations and waves of lust may drive us to moments we don't really want.
Please take your time to speak ( chat ) with your man. I think as you might trust him enough to think making love with him, you should talk with him really about your doubts, your through, you desires toward him, and also what you don't see possible, for a first meeting, ever ...

Sorry if I may be rude Dear Hentaï.
But waiting, heart full of hope, mind full of lust, anxiety for the moment to come may be disturbing.
Crossing the Stix between an minded possibility and a real meeting, is really a gap to jump over.
For only reality may kill all our doubts about who is really the one waited.

So I am just really one voice added to your friend's crowd to say to take a great care of yourself.

Please accept my humbly regards and my hope for you to have the fun and pleasures you are looking for.




Flesh open when Mind Warm
hentaiboy69
Hero Member
*****
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« #7 : May 21, 2012, 09:32:02 AM »

i know it Evelyne......and i had plan to talk whit him about this. i want to be sure he understand my feeling and my doubt, then, when i think i have settle my own toughs i'll gonna take the right decision. but at the same time, i can't deny i had some little fantasy about a real meeting whit him....but i don't wanna make a rush and then fall hitting hard my face on the ground!

Really, really thanks to all for have care on me, you are all really special peoples whit lot of experience then me, so every hint is really wellcome. There is more i'd like to share whit you, but i don't think i can do it whitout talking whit the person involved in it.......anyway, you had just to know this is not begin whit this guy, but had begin before, in the last months, allways here on Achat.
« : May 21, 2012, 10:07:27 AM hentaiboy69 »

Brandybee
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Sweet As Honey With A Cheeky Sting. BUZZ !!


« #8 : May 21, 2012, 10:22:08 AM »

Hentai ...  I am touched and just want to give you a massive hug. It is a big step and very brave to voice your feelings in this way ..

I am not in any way qualified to advise you, except maybe from the university of life itself, but like so many others ..I feel its about taking your time and exploring these confused & unexpected feelings and attractions. I can certainly identify with being attracted to men and like most relationships .. its about spending time with that person and building trust and confidence in your relationship. Only you will know when you are ready to take the next step and for making sure it is right for you.

I wish you love and luck my friend .. and it is truly heartening to see the positive replies and offers of help on here.
Makes me proud to be a member of this Forum and all the joys and pitfalls of the game itself :)
Take care of you and each other . xxx


                         :)   :D   :P    THERE'S  A  LITTLE  BIT  OF  DEVIL  IN  MY  ANGEL  EYES       :)    :D    :P
West69
Full Member
***
: 123


« #9 : May 21, 2012, 04:24:42 PM »

I had think about this all this weekend and at last, i decided to write this cause i need to have some opinion about something about my experience here....


As all you know, i'm a man but there are so many others things you don't know but maybe someone of you had notice.....well, first of this things is i don't have a so open personality in real. i mean, in my work i have so many contact whit different peoples and administration, so during this last 12 years things had move a little better, but when it comes about personal stuf and interaction whit girls, well, i'm a totally dumb ass and, please don't laugh cause for how i am it's totally embarassing, i have to admit i don't had have any type of relationship and you can easly imagine what it means: never had sexual experience before.....

And here comes the experience i have here and the only real one (even if it can be considered a full sex experience): from when i had started here at the end of august, i had meet so many nice peoples, girls and boys, and at last i had really enjoy both and some of them know about my true self, some peoples i really care or, anyway, peoples i find interessing.

Well, all begun 7 months ago....i had post before about i had met a man who, when he learnd i live in Italy, had say to me he would like to meet me cause he move to italy for work, sometimes. I explain to him all, about i'm a man too and i'm not into that type of stuff.....
Some time had passed from that and, before Christmas, he say it again and i answer him i don't had change my mind. After that, he disappear for long time from Achat, till he pop up again some week ago and we had met again, many times.

Till few days ago, when he said to me he hope someday he can do it in real......i talk whit him explaining  it again, about i don't want it or, to be more clear, i'm not sure if i want it. And last friday night, things get "worst" (it's not the right word....): talking whit him when we was in room, it cames out about my mail (in this moment, i don't remember how we end talikng of it) and he ask to me if i can give it to him. Ok, it wasn't a big deal, cause i had set one just for Achat (not my real name on it, of course!) so i had give it to him.....well, after few minutes, he had send me a pic of his huge cock......that had surprise me and confused me......i mean, wow, never expect it so much (but it jump in my mind he will probably do it)  but i feel my hearth bumping damn fast! we continue our meeting and it was so exciting....so much! and, before leaving, he had ask me if i will send him my pic.......oh my! anyway, i answer him i need time to think on it and i don't had make any promise.

But for this two last days, i can't stop thinking on it......on his pic......a part of me really want to do it, remembering my old experience (20 years ago!) cause at last, when i think on it, it was really exciting. it wasn't full sex, just jerking of in front of each other or stroking his cock sometimes (he had done the same to me) and it was only few times, but cant' get this tough out of my mind now....
Plus, well, i can't deny i had try something more by my self in the past years, even if it was just some isolate time......yes, i had try my fingers in my ass and some, well, sort of home made toys......i can't say i'd really love it, but even i can't say i don't had like it......

And now....something i had never expect before is happend....thanks to Achat, or maybe it's only the fault of Achat!? i don't know.....
Well, the point is this: i had start thinking how it will be touching his cock., playing whit it......i feel this desire growing little by little and pushing me to the desire of sending him a pic and maybe more.....till, maybe, meeting him.....and this is confusing me too much, never had think about this stuff before!

I had talk of this whit another friend here (he know i'm a guy too) and he suggest me to take my time: i know he is perfectly right and i agree whit him, but really....in this moment it's so hard to clarify my mind.....and this is why i'm writing it here, cause i really want to know your impression and, i'll hope!, maybe i can have some other good hint from you, my friend!

A really, really confused HB



As everyone has before me, I applaud you for your honesty of introspection. From your post you appear to have come to a point in your life where you are willing to ask yourself some very difficult questions. This shows a healthy perspective of personal growth that many people never get to. To reiterate a previous poster, only you can answer these deeply meaningful questions, and probably only you can phrase them to yourself so it doesn't produce negative feelings (hurt or embarassment). I respectfully suggest you make a list of questions for yourself and slowly and thoughtfully go through them.

I would never presume to pose YOUR questions for YOU. However, if I were in a similar situation, here are some thoughts I would share with myself:

   * How would I define for myself what you describe as being a "total dumbass" with girls?
     Am I nervous? Afraid of embarassing myself? Not confident with something about me,
     i.e. looks, education, enough money? On the positive, am I excited, both sexually and
     emotionally by women? If I do the analysis and I am truly attracted to women, then
     I may be able to remove my deficits, i.e. fear, lack of funds, etc. On the other hand
     if I am not drawn to women or attracted to them, then following society's rules may
     doom me to a life of dissatisfaction.

   * Hypothetically, let us say that I come to the epiphany that I am not attracted to women,
     but in fact, am attracted to men. First, I want some time to myself to come to grips with
     the admission that I am not going to be happy following what most of society defines as
     the norm. If I am ever going to have a rewarding relationship with any man, I must
     first accept that I am OK with it. Your post tells me that you are still in a state of shock
     because you repeat, "....but I am a Man...". It is better to take some time to become
     comfortable with the fact that you might be attracted to a man. As your friend said,
     "take your time". When you feel good about your decision, the chances of any
     relationship will improve. Your confidence and nonverbal behavior (smile & posture)
     will communicate you are ready.

   * Finally, and again this is just me talking to myself, I would ask if I want A relationship
     or this particular relationship. Just because I have discovered that I am attracted to men
     doesn't mean THIS particular man would be a good start. What does i mean that I have
     told this person several times, "No.", but he keeps ignoring my wishes. I might be
     tempted to give him credit for perseverance, but since I am a skeptical person, I might
     wonder if he would accept my admonition of "No" when we are exploring a sexual act.
     If I am not ready, I want the power to decide, not be forced. Also, If I were pursuing a
     relationship, would the first picture I send a stranger be of my genitals. Does a person
     of this type want a "relationship" with me as a person, or quick sexual gratification.
     If I decide that sex is all I want, then OK, it is my decision. However, I won't delude
     myself into thinking that if I go to meet a guy who sent me a photo of his cock, that he
     is interested in my career, my family, my hopes, etc.

I offer the above only as examples of what goes through MY mind. Obviously, you need to select the questions that touch you best. I am only advocating the process of slow thoughtful self-introspection. With your post you have already demonstrated the courage to embark on this road. I believe most of your friends would encourage you to continue opening up this aspect of your life so you can better enjoy your sexuality. At the same time your posts project a sensitive and gentle nature. A little caution in this new area of Life may save you some of the pain that many of us have experienced, hence the cliche, "fools rush in where Angels fear to tread."

Live fully, but take care my friend. :)
hentaiboy69
Hero Member
*****
: 7883



« #10 : May 22, 2012, 06:09:32 AM »

wellcome back, Jacq, and thanks for your hint.....i know isn't safe at the begin giving away personal information and this is why i had settled a mail just for achat whitout my true name.

I agree whit you Jacq, we need to explore more our feeling and i wanna do it. And yesterday night i had make the first step talking whit him and explaning explain my doubt and, well, all the things you had read here. Even if i had notice he is really into a real meeting (before i can say all to him, he said he is ready for it, when i hit the subject), he had understand it and had say he will wait.

He had say i'm really important to him but i know it can be easy to hide real feeling using a chat, so i'm gonna take his word whit caution, pondring them....let's see how the story gonna evolve....

thank you all for listening me, guys!
« : May 22, 2012, 06:11:13 AM hentaiboy69 »

taztexan
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***
: 154



« #11 : May 22, 2012, 06:25:35 AM »

All very good advice for you and some very thoughtful and thorough ones too. Makes me glad I have joined the forums here and see more and more activity. I somehow knew more people would be here for you and offer their support, encouragement and words of caution. Is why I like places like this where people aren't afraid to express their sensuality and sexual preferences. The *best* people in the world if you ask me..

Wishing you all the luck and happiness in the world and continued friendship...


Lt. Taz, Spermicide Detective Div.  -  The devilish Texan  =)~
jeanona31
Hero Member
*****
: 503



« #12 : May 22, 2012, 12:52:55 PM »

Dear Hentai ,

I can only say that you're essentially a lovely sensitive and kind person.
Always caring and friendly and also modest. These are great character traits. And I really like that side of your personality. I am glad that things are better when it comes to your sexuality and relationships, both in real life and here. I think that your partner, for whom you desire, recognizes the same and probably much more  ;), It is obvious that you are attractive to him, because if it is not so - likely to be no longer met.
On the other hand, those of your wonderful qualities along with your spontaneity, that can distinctly felt, can also demonstrate clearly that you are easily vulnerable.

And I do not want, same as our cute friends here,
to see you disappointed or hurt - so do not rush to a meeting in the real.
There are many ways, on the net, to explore and enjoy together, most importantly, get to know each other better
before making any rapid decisions.

But  also don't be afraid my friend and follow your heart always. Do not worry ,if he said that he would wait, that it's worth waiting -he will wait. Time will show you the best, better than any advice. At the same time I suggest you in the meantime just enjoy at what you have now. Be relaxed and happy, do not torment yourself the worries and doubts  too much. Finally when the time show, your wishes and desires can be fulfilled in the best manner.

Or maybe ( sorry for my honesty), if your expectations not achieved, or it turns out that your partner is not what you thought, there is no reason to feel bad because why should you
I believe If two people strong enough and honestly enough want something to be ,they will and that something will find the right way, If this doesn't happen, it obviously never been so worth what it may seem .
You can be, sort of , happy because in other case would be much more complicated and you 'll be probably hurt much more if you let things go too far ahead of time.

it's just my opinion with all my sincerity and with a lot of respect for your post. Sorry if I sounded harsh or something at some point.
Wish you the best HB  !  :-*
« : May 22, 2012, 01:38:07 PM jeanona31 »

hentaiboy69
Hero Member
*****
: 7883



« #13 : May 23, 2012, 02:38:56 AM »

no need to sorry, Jeanona......you are only espressing what you think and i agree whit you. I don't want to rush cause i don't want do a wrong step, i clearly said this to him, of course, cause in first i wanna understand if i can really have full trust in him and, more important, if this is somethig i want cause i'm really attrated from him or it's cause it was that particular moment who had make me desire it and not a really attraction for men in general.

Lover, this words you write "When you think about yourself now, do you feel more being a man loving man, a man loving both or a man loving girls, but is interested in sexual experiences with other men?" a so damn true.....and it's what i want to find out now.

Lover
Moderator
Hero Member
*****
: 10350



« #14 : May 23, 2012, 05:00:17 AM »

HB, Im happy I could help a little bit. The trick is to find the right questions, then we can fond the right answers. If you clarify this question more questions are answered at once - e.g. if you like to meet your friend in real.
Another point is to listen to our intuition - sadly mosr of us never learned this and so don't know if they can trust this little voice and how to understand it.

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