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AusWoody
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Never push a loyal person to the breaking point

Joke of the Day

« : August 19, 2016, 02:06:03 AM »

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".

"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."

The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fucking fault!

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Honeybatcher
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Re: Joke of the Day

« #1 : August 19, 2016, 04:23:21 AM »

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Great Page Ausie........

Now I have place to hangout . . . . . .

Lover
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Re: Joke of the Day

« #2 : August 21, 2016, 03:24:15 PM »

It’s Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.

“No” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been to together since we got married.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible… But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?” The man shakes his head.

“No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

Honeybatcher
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Re: Joke of the Day

« #3 : September 29, 2016, 06:37:34 AM »

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work.

The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their $ex lives.

After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in

some S&M role playing.

The following week they met up again to compare notes. Sipping her drink,

the single girl leered and said,

‘Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend’s office wearing a leather coat.

When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice,

black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!’

The engaged woman giggled and said, ‘That’s pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, ‘I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma’s. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings

and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask, ready for action.

When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat

down and yelled, ‘Hey, Batman, what’s for dinner?

zuzannah
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Re: Joke of the Day

« #4 : September 30, 2016, 04:48:20 AM »

Yayyyyy !! I've just finished my Jigsaw Puzzle.

It's took me 6 months to complete it. I'm rather proud of that.

It says 2 to 12 years on the box.

Honeybatcher
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Re: Joke of the Day

« #5 : September 30, 2016, 04:57:58 AM »

Quote from: zuzannah on September 30, 2016, 04:48:20 AM

Yayyyyy !! I've just finished my Jigsaw Puzzle.

It's took me 6 months to complete it. I'm rather proud of that.

It says 2 to 12 years on the box.

Still fucking Laughing..........Dumb Blond

zuzannah
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Re: Joke of the Day

« #6 : September 30, 2016, 07:20:18 AM »

Oh I'm sorry, thought that this was a joke thread. LOL.

Name calling is on another one, Or use the Meeting Place. (Everyone Else Does)


« : September 30, 2016, 07:28:24 AM zuzannah »

Honeybatcher
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Re: Joke of the Day

« #7 : October 04, 2016, 04:55:24 AM »

Blonde and boyfriend go to movies.
Blonde: Can I have two tickets please?
Clerk at movies: For Romeo and Juliet?
Blonde: No,for my boyfriend and me.

Zuz'z i didn't mend anything of calling you a dumb blond I was referring to the joke...

zuzannah
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: 1379

Re: Joke of the Day

« #8 : December 04, 2016, 02:19:44 PM »

I've just bought a new car, thought I'd try one with an automatic gearbox.

I tell you, I'm really disappointed in it. It's crap !!!!

It's fine in the Daytime, but at Night it just doesn't work.

I put it in "D" and away I go. No problem at all.

As soon as it goes into night time and I put it into "N" it stops working !!

Not to mention the Racemode. GRRRRRR


« : December 04, 2016, 02:46:05 PM zuzannah »

Vaughan
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Reborn by her Master like larva to a Butterfly...

Re: Joke of the Day

« #9 : September 30, 2017, 01:25:10 AM »

Here's a few to make you smile :

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory today. I hope there's no pop quiz.

The energizer bunny was arrested on a charge of battery.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.