Original Limericks

[Tift]

No. 43

An assonant prowler called Smee
Was afflicted with only one knee
The other leg wobbled
And he walked as though hobbled
Then soaked himself trying to pee

(a night time collaboration)

[Zuzannah]

No.44

I wanted to buy him those collars
'cause didn't have any dollars
He refused
I blew a fuse
So I left him and went off with some scholars.

[Zuzannah]

No.45

I've just noticed in the nick of time
My last limerick didn't rhyme
So I changed it you see
'cause it's important to me
Oh…. And I've changed the colour to lime.

[Soniaslut]

No. 46

Though a rhyming limerick is always pretty
The rhyme’s only one part of the ditty
As for colours and such
They don’t matter so much
As the wonderful originality

[Soniaslut]

No. 47

There was a sweet maiden named Brenda
Who was innocent, shy and so tender
That she had quite a shock
When a chap, name of Jock,
Raised his kilt to display his bell-ender

[Soniaslut]

No. 48

A young mother, whose name was Belinda,
Became hopelessly addicted to Tinder.
She’d spend each day and night
Swiping left…swiping right
And was jailed for neglecting her kinder.

[Tift]

No.49

Daydrinker is uncommonly smart
She can talk all day about art
She also likes whiskey
Which makes her quite frisky
And lets off incredible farts

[Tift]

                No.50

“Don't touch me there” she cried
So his finger it did pry
She gave a shout
Her butt plug flew out
And poked him in the eye

[Tift]

          No.51

A stone-faced old bird called Matilda
Wanted to have sex with a builder
He called her a scrote
When she asked for a quote
And his estimate fucking near killed her

[Tift]

  Number 52

All bad poetry is sincere
Oscar Wilde said that, my dear
And that was quite witty,
Resonant and pithy
But now it's a meme, I fear

[Tift]

    No.53

A horny young girl named Saffire
Was strappied to her lover's desire
She said It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you push it a few inches higher?

[Tift]

No.54

There was a young gal called Joannajett
Dressed to the nines as you'd expect
She danced with young Skally
Xanna and Sally
While her boobs played the castanets

[Tift]

            No.55

If I pose and act real cool
I should expect some ridicule
There's nothing amiss
In taking the piss
It's the spice of life, you fools !

[Tift]

  No.56

A slovenly strumpet called Vicky
Got her knickers so terribly sticky
Sweet sissyboi Flo
Said oh no, no, no
Oh cum on then, I'll give you a quickie

[Tift]

No.57

I sat next to Sonia at tea
It was just as I thought it would be
The rumblings abdominal
Sounded phenomenal
And everyone thought it was me

[Author]

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